20 August 2010

Jealousy and Anger

Why do I let jealousy and anger consume and destroy my life?
It is because I have been hurt so many times that my ability to trust... ANYONE... is shot to hell? Everyone I have encountered has some how managed to hurt me, physically, mentally, and/or emotionally. I can't take it anymore. I am so angry and hurt that I can't deal with anyone. I take so much personally, especially when I know that if I say anything, I will be told I am jumping to conclusions, or I am over-reacting, or I am being stupid. I really do hate it when people say that. It really just pisses me off even more. And now, now, I find out that a group went out together. Nothing like truly feeling like dog shit. I hate being the last man out. I wish I could honestly say that it doesn't bother me and I can get over it, but I can't see that happening any time soon.

Speaking my thoughts

There is so much I want to say but I know it will come out bad. I am still so angry. I need to keep my mouth shut and keep my temper cool.

Tension

I can feel the blood starting to boil!
Thank god we're on the countdown.

19 August 2010

Your response

I know if I tell you I'm jealous or hurt, you will tell me to grow up and quit over-reacting. I hate you even more for that!

I am so sick of excuses

Poor baby... so tired... awwww... tough shit!
Did you hang out with her last night? Is that why? Do you take advantage of the situation? She is wearing awful pretty panties today. Did you notice those? As she leans over by you and moves in? Do you notice her tight shirt? Her low-cut jeans? He lacy panties? Anything else? Do you know what is under all that? What is inside all that? Did she make you happy? I know what you have done with me. Did you do that with her also? Am I just jumping to conclusions? Or did you decide that young and tight is the way you want it?

The Hand that Feeds You

I am off today and tomorrow it's over.
I am sure you will think it is all back to normal. Right now, you both probably think I am a total bitch because of my mood and tone, but it has never occurred to you that it is a product of your own actions. You have no flipping idea that you created this monster that has been here the last 2 days. You are totally blind and ignorant. I am a piece of shit and she is young, thin, pretty, and obviously smitten on you.

When this week is over and we are back to our schedule, please realize that things have changed. Next week, you will need me and need my help. But I am warning you ahead of time that you need to think REALLY CAREFULLY about this. Just remember who's hand you bit when this was all happening. Just remember, I am wounded and angry. Your best bet is to just turn around and walk away. Remember, I am not pretty and sexy to you anymore. There is obviously someone else and you were not afraid to hurt me in the process.

Back away, stay away, and go to hell!

Bad Day Yesterday

He took the two of them to lunch and left me alone behind - without saying a word. Glad I am so invisible.

I was sooooooo angry when they left, I started to cry. I wanted to scream and hollar. I literally wanted to punch something, really really hard!!!! I was so enraged that I was ready to explode. So angry that I was shaking. I don't normally get like that... and I haven't been that way for a LONG time, but it scares me because I know I can do some major damage to anyone who gets in my way!

The crying helped, but the anger and jealousy is still there.

18 August 2010

Not getting better!

I can almost guess he is taking her to lunch. If he does, I will lose it!

Aarrgghh!

Now he's making a point of talking to me. I think he knows I am pissed!

VENT

When she's here, I am dogshit!

I am PISSED!

WTF? Why? Ass! He can go straight to hell and rot there! To hell with all of them!!

GUYS!

Why does guys tend to look for and fall for the ones that are really pretty or hot, but they may be dumber than a stump??? What is it? Is it an easy score? I don't flippin' understand! WTF???????

17 August 2010

Threatened

Why do other women threaten me? Am I so insecure? Is it because I've been hurt so many times before? I hate this!

15 August 2010

09 August 2010

Today's technology

Did you know that technology can destroy people? When I was younger, we didn't have internet, computers or cell phones. Now, there is too much technology b.s. He said she said, verbal abuse, bullying, so much!

06 August 2010

I have to bite my tongue

Part of me wants to tell you "see what I go through - now you know how I feel" but I am going to just keep my mouth shut.

Why do I feel so threatened when people try to help me? Why do I feel like he would rather have her down here instead of me? Am I a thorn in his side? Am I someone who doesn't fit in?

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I take such offense? Is it just me, or is it that I have been hurt so many times that I have no ability to openly trust people?
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