Too much at one time

Feel like hell

weather has changed and feels dreary

Dark in the morning

My birthday

All alone

Feel fat

Feel sad

Suffer from OCD and anxiety

Introvert who overextends myself

Hard on myself

Can't keep doing this

Something's gotta give...

Makeup and dress up

I have a dinner to attend tonight. I'm dressed up (new dress), with makeup , my hair is down, and I got dressed, feeling pretty.

In the last hour, I suddenly don't feel as pretty. I look at myself in the mirror and am not happy with who I am. I feel like I suddenly am fat and ugly. I'm alone DND sad.

I hard events where I feel alone. All by myself.

All alone... And ugly....

Me and Food

I am hungry, but that is normal.

I look in the fridge.... We have a fridge (and freezer) full of food, but I can't bring myself to eat it.

It's not bad for me... It's just that I can't mentally get past calories, fat, and carbs. 

I feel as though I'm going back to a bad place with my eating habits. I can't get out of my own head.

I hate how this feels... And these demons have a strong hold on me. I can't seem to shake them.

I'm trapped in my own thoughts.

E.D. Or D.E.?

I know I have issues with food. Wouldn't necessarily say I have an ED (eating disorder).... I have more of DE (disordered eating).... Which, in my opinion, are different!

Anyone lead out there fighting head demons?

Random

Why?

I look at photos of pretty girls. I look at photos of toned and muscular females. I look at women in bikinis.

I wish I could look like them. I hate how I look. I am not pretty or sexy.

I feel like a piece of shit.

Why??

Body image

If you look at those I follow on Instagram, it's a lot if fitness and things like that.

I look at the photos and wish I could look like them. I wish I could be sexy. I wish I could be happy.

I am having struggles right now.

Mentally stressed

I keep looking at photos of thin, pretty women and wishing I could look like them. I want to be thin and pretty, or at least thought of as kinda sexy. I wish I had someone to hold me and cuddle with me, but I'm having no luck. I'm depressed and lonely. My sister is coming up town and I haven't seen her for a couple years. I have lost a considerable amount of weight since I saw her last, but I am not where I wish I was. I need to lose more weight. I am not thin enough or pretty enough. I am so upset with myself right now. I feel fat and ugly, homely and alone. What is wrong with me?

Headache

My eating habits suck! I haven't been eating much. I'm to the point where I'm not hungry. I do have a headache and my calorie count is down. I just am not hungry.

I don't like this feeling. 

Swim suit season?

I received my first swimming suit catalog in the mail today. Granted, we have been in perpetual frozen tundra since December. Today we hit 40, saw the sun, and I got a catalog for swimming suits.... From Victorias Secret.

Guess I have to get my act in gear.

Battling food again

Have a down slide. Not really hungry, don't feel like eating, even my mom is on my case. Not up to eating. Know I should but just not for it. Feeling fat. Although I am still down 50+ lbs since November 2012, I feel the need to lose more because I feel fat and depressed. Been battling a sinus infection so it's been hard to work out so I am missing the gym. I need to get back at it....

Setting standards for myself

OK. I did finish in my age group on the challenge. Awesome. Lost weight. Lost inches. Toned up. Built up cardio. Doing well. Got the results for the national level. Didn't make it into the top 15 women for my age group (old). Bummed. Should be happy I made it local. Wasn't even trying. Should be happy. Now I need to try harder. Have to qualify in both levels next year. MUST! Need to find the next challenge to work toward. I will never completely be happy with me.... I can tell you that already....

Damned if you do....

Okay, tomorrow they post the top 15 in each age group. I have come to realize...

Damned if I do... damned if I don't...

I am not holding my breath. I doubt if I will qualify.... which means I will need to get my ass in gear and do better next time. If I do, then I have to keep it up.... no slacking.

Pretty much screwed either way! DAMN!!!!

mental meltdown

Competed in the challenge. Qualified locally. Did not qualify nationally. Need to amp it up. Feel like a failure. Need to work out, work harder, and lose more weight. I feel fat and disgusting.

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body challenge results

Not sure if I've shared this with you. I decided to join our local gyms "body challenge". For 12 weeks, I watched my food and focused on exercise. In 12 weeks, I was down over 40 pounds. I was shocked, but real happy. I did qualify for my own age group as a local finalist.

People kept asking me how I did it. Nothing exciting and nothing miraculous... instead just plain hard work and watching what I was eating.

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down 60 lbs

Since November, I'm down 60 pounds. I feel good. I need to keep it going. I have hit a plateau. I'm stressed. I need to lose more...

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Commitment vs obsession

At what point does the fitness commitment become an obsession?

I am working out and losing weight. I am counting my calories. and I love the fact my clothes are big, but I cannot see it in myself.

I get all hung up on calories and eat too few, even when I work out. I have a number I am aiming for, which is my IBW.

There is so much going through my mind that I am truly not sure any more.

When is the commitment I am making to myself become an obsession?

Why can't I????

If Khloe can be that way, why can't I?

If she can be 5'10" and weight 145lbs, why can't I?

I guess I need to look at the weight and the body structure... but I'm only 5'8" and I am no where near 145lbs.

My idea weight is 145-165... and right now, in this mood, I would KILL to be in that range.

I have been training and working out, and watching my food, but I feel like hell.

I am sad. I hate the holidays... and now I feel even fatter with the holidays coming.

Carbohydrates and cravings - Advice Please!!!

I know it's been a while since I have been here... it's been busy and I am beat, but I think about this space often and wish I had about 30 hours in a day... just to do everything I would like to do... especially writing...

Anyway, I have a conundrum! I am trying to watch what I an eating and doing the whole "sensa" thing, but I am struggling with something... carbs... CARBS!  They hate me... and they are not my friend.

I NEED GUIDANCE... FROM ANYONE WHO HAS RUN INTO THIS SITUATION...

I am a carb junkie... and I am working to cut them out... which is all good... but the lack of carbs make me tired. Is this correct? Or is it in my head? (I have been told it's mind over matter)... but anyway... I love oatmeal and bagels, but I find that if I eat these things in the morning, I crave all day long... I can eat constantly. Is my blood sugar spiking? What is happening?

I am having a meltdown with all these feelings... I had oatmeal this morning and am totally hating myself right now!

Please... anyone?

Feeling good

Today is the 4th day since I started using Sensa. I am getting used to remembering it. I feel I am doing pretty well, especially since I started on Sunday when we went out for breakfast and had company for dinner. Monday was a group lunch and then company dinner. Tuesday was another group lunch. And I still feel positive. I haven't changed what I eat, so we will see how it works.
After the bad day on the scale, I need to get back on track.
I will keep you updated.