Fat day clothes

Woke up feeling bloated. Which is soooo not cool.

Wearing my "fat day" clothes.

Anyone else have those?

I hate the scale!!!!

I got on the scale this morning. Sucked! I hate the scale and everything it entails. I am starting Sensa today and figured I would weigh myself. Now I am freaking depressed! I knew I have felt like shit, but now I totally feel like it!

fat day

Went to the gym. Felt good until the cramp in the stomach.

I feel like hell. Trying to monitor my eating and being sure to exercise. My major problem is dinner at home. I can't control it, I can't make decisions on it. Someone else makes the meal... Someone who is set in her old-fashioned ways. The meals are not the healtiest, they come out of the freezer or a box.

I am frustrated and feel gross. I feel fat and ugly. I don't like anything about me and wish I could feel better.

I struggle and fight with my heart and soul. Tonight is bad for me. Tonight is depression and sadness.

I watch my breakfast and lunch. I know I can control those meals. Dinner is not an option. I am then trying to help my son stick to this and get healthy. I am trying so hard.

I am stressed and miserable today.

Depressed...

I am not sure what is going through my head. I am stressed, I am frustrated, I am lost, I am lonely, I am tired. I don't want to sing to the radio. I don't feel like laughing. I came home from work and quietly ate dinner. I then went and laid down with my cat and fell asleep. I don't have much to say. My son is worried. He doesn't understand what is wrong or why I am so quiet. I can't really explain this to him. I don't know what is wrong or why I feel like I do. Part of me feels lost inside, lonely, and sad. I don't want to socialize. If I could, I would curl up and stay in bed. I wish I didn't feel this way.

NOT a good start...

I figured I was doing so well. I felt happy, but then I got on the scale today. I want to cry... as I throw the damn thing out the window. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate how I feel. Now, I hate how my clothes feel. I am so unhappy in my own skin that I can't stand it. I don't like how I am feeling this morning. I feel depressed and angry. I want to cry. I can't see anything special about me, why should anyone else? I want to put my sweats back on and crawl under my covers and hide. Bah Humbug. This is gonna be a rough start to my "already-not-feeling-the-spirit" holiday season.

The Scale...

I got on the scale this morning. I knew I shouldn't but I haven't for a while. I had to have a reality check. The numbers were definitely not my friend, but they haven't gone up since the last time. That is a good thing, but it still makes me feel like hell. I hate my body, I hate myself, and how my clothes fit. I don't even like how I feel in my own body. ICK! I am too tired to really give a damn, but I hate myself so much that I truly don't give a damn. I am caught in a loop of madness and I don't know which way I am spinning.

Fat vs Fluffy - Entry #2

Well, today was my downfall. I was so hungry at lunch. I normally am one of those obsessive people who don't go to fast food places to eat, unless I have reviewed the nutritional section of the menu. Yeah, I know, I'm weird.

Today I was hungry,  but not sure what for. Where I work, there is a variety of guilty pleasures... Cousin's, Subway, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Culvers, Panera Bread, Buffalo Wild Wings... and the list goes on and on.

There are places I avoid because the nutritional honesty gives me heart palpitations.

When all else fails, I find myself going to the grocery store and buying a fresh salad. Those actually hit the spot on occasion.

Today, a lost lamb, I had to get out, so I started driving. I only had a few dollars in my purse, so that limited my travels. It was... Culvers. I have been having the worst craving for a burger. Not a veggie burger, not a turkey burger, not a plain burger... I wanted a sloppy one, with everything, including gooey cheese... 

And that's what I had! Yes, it tasted good, it subdued by craving, and now I hate myself, but I guess I will get over it. (PS - does the Diet soda help offset the pain at all???)

 
Oh yummy - not quite as pretty, but oh so yummy!!!!