I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!

Right now I'm struggling and really do hate myself. I am in a funk and can't shake it. I am a miserable piece of shit and want to disappear!!!

... and he never found out.

April 2012 Blog Hop

Monday April 9, 2012 Blog Prompt

... and he never found out!

I was pregnant. I was suffering with an ED. I was not happy. I was feeling like hell. I knew I couldn't avoid food. It wasn't safe. It wasn't right. He wouldn't let me. He made me eat. But I still battled the ED, this time from the other side. I hated eating. It made me depressed. I couldn't do it. I felt like shit when I ate. If only he knew... but I was lucky... he never found out...

Ever felt...

Have you ever felt like you don't get the credit you deserve?

How often do you accomplish something totally awesome and you are so happy you are flying, but no one seems as excited as you? You want to scream from the mountain tops and tell the world, but there is something inside you that doesn't crave for the attention, at least not outright. To have someone just say "good job" or "congratulations" would mean more than anything, but the ones you truly wish to hear it from never say it. And sometimes it seems like the more they DON'T say it, the more they take advantage of you?

Depressed...

I am not sure what is going through my head. I am stressed, I am frustrated, I am lost, I am lonely, I am tired. I don't want to sing to the radio. I don't feel like laughing. I came home from work and quietly ate dinner. I then went and laid down with my cat and fell asleep. I don't have much to say. My son is worried. He doesn't understand what is wrong or why I am so quiet. I can't really explain this to him. I don't know what is wrong or why I feel like I do. Part of me feels lost inside, lonely, and sad. I don't want to socialize. If I could, I would curl up and stay in bed. I wish I didn't feel this way.

Holiday Frustrations

The holidays are good, but I have a hard time getting into them. I find myself getting depressed and feeling a strong anxiety. My niece is thin, pretty, has a great husband, life, etc. My other niece is gorgeous, her family has money, her boyfriend is great, and she is happy. My brother and his wife have a nice house, in the lake,  and go on vacation.  And then there is me... I'm a full-time, single mom, divorced, unhappy with my body, no self-esteem, working full-time, going to school, living with my mom, and living paycheck to paycheck. I'm envious. And jealous. And miserable. I feel useless and worthless and like a failure, compared to those in my family.