Swim suit season?

I received my first swimming suit catalog in the mail today. Granted, we have been in perpetual frozen tundra since December. Today we hit 40, saw the sun, and I got a catalog for swimming suits.... From Victorias Secret.

Guess I have to get my act in gear.

Swimming Suits

I now understand why I do not buy swimming suits... I hate it... I would much rather go to the doctor.

I joined a gym, it has a pool. I have a suit, but it's two pieces... great to splash in, not sure how well you can swim laps in it.

Anyway... Tried on a one-piece, didn't go over my hips... what the hell? Returned it. Decided on maybe one of those two-piece with the full top. Found one that would cover the tummy I dislike and I feel okay in... that fit.

Oh yes, but it is obviously not designed to actually SWIM in! (if know know what I mean!) 

So I went to get a new one-piece, for actually swimming. Oh yea, by body is SOOOO not meant for one-piece suits. If I finally get one with way they are cut, I might as well stick a beach ball in it because I feel like an oompa loompa. 

Who the hell designs these suits anyway?????? Men? Okay, so either the one-piece are cut to be slimmer at the waist and ya can't get them over the hips... or they have the "slender fibers" and you feel like you are in a lycra tube and can't breath. Or... you get a two piece.. mind you, many of which are not designed for swimming or any type of physical activity.  Okay, so I found a different "top" that has more "support" and (praying) I might be able to actually swim in it. Wish me luck.

And there is my old one-piece suit. It's well worn and starting to get old. I needed something new. I took it to the gym with me, as I wear it when we go to the hotel, but it's been 2 years. I put it on and I swear it felt like all the elastic was gone. In my frame of mind, I figured the elastic in the material dry-rotted, cuz when I put it all, it was baggy and gross. I automatically took it off and figured it was ready for the donation pile. It wasn't until 3 days later that it actually crossed my mind that maybe I have gotten smaller and not the suit losing it's elastic. I have been working out. I haven't worn it for 2 years. Maybe it's my body, not the suit. Guess I will have to go home and try it on and find out for sure.

Have I told you how much I HATE Swimming Suits!!!!!!????