My "new" phase and the struggles within

I have to admit that it's been 5 months since I started this "awakening" to become a better me... physically and mentally.

It's been tough. Physically, I have lost weight, I have cut down on the junk I'm eating, I have made valiant efforts to be at the gym regularly (including holidays).... Mentally, it's all a matter of mind over matter. I need to keep an eye on what I am doing and know what is right and wrong...

But I have to admit... I am struggling... every day I find myself battling my past demons. The demons of my ED, the demons of mind over matter, the demons of what I need to do. It hurts and it's a struggle.

I thought I had this licked, but not completely... obviously. I am enjoying this new part of me.

I just wanted to admit it.... I will post more later.

Trust? or Not to Trust? That is the question

I trusted you. I thought you were my friend. But you proved me wrong.

You made me so mad. I told you my secret and you couldn't keep your mouth shut.

I felt like we were close enough to confide in you, but I guess I was wrong.

I am angry and totally betrayed, yet relieved in a funny sort of way.

I am not sure who all you told, or even what you told them. I want to confront you, I want to know why, but I can't. No, actually, I WON'T. It is so not worth it. Why should I get upset? You saved me the trouble of telling people. But guess what, those that I want to tell, I will, personally. Those who don't need to know, I don't need to tell... and won't. Leave them wondering why I didn't say anything.

I have learned, that I cannot trust anyone... well not really anyone... but there are a few. Anyway. It is now knowing that those around me don't respect me enough to keep something so important to me, quiet, then I guess it's time to move on. Which is the next step in my life and my changed.

For those who know me...

I will forgive.. I will never forget though.

I am nice... but not that nice.