Truth - depression sucks!

In several of my past posts, you might have noticed that I haven't really been myself. Well, I haven't. I have been diagnosed, and have suffered, with clinical depression for over 10 years. Then throw panic/anxiety attacks on top of that, and you have me... one rather slightly disturbed, messed up lady. The holidays always seem to really push the envelope for me. I don't really enjoy them like I used to. I feel bad because my son loves them. I just can't seem to get into them.

Anyway, I went to my doctor yesterday and we had a nice discussion. It is time to change up my meds. The ones I have been on have seemed to work for quite a while, but things are changing and the meds just aren't doing it for me at this point.

I start my new meds tomorrow, once I get them filled. I am hoping these help because I hate feeling so dark. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to socialize, I just want to be a hermit and stay in my pajamas. I don't have the energy and I don't like the way I feel, the way I look, the way I am, who I am... and the list could go on for pages, if I let it.

I guess, what I want to say is that if there seems like something is not quite right, don't be afraid to look into it. It took me several years to get an accurate diagnosis and it helped me move forward and be who I am. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Unless you are divine, it probably won't get better without therapy and meds. It doesn't hurt to check.

Just when you think all is well

I have had a rough day - it started out rough and the day just keeps going that way. I don't know why I let things get to me, especially little things. I guess I am one of those who are obsessive about what I do. I don't want to do it wrong, otherwise I am a basket-case. I don't want to be late (for anything) because someone is waiting on me. I don't want to skip out on what I need to do, because someone will be effected. I am strangely consciencous of what I do and how I do it. Then ther are so many people who are out there who play the system. Give them an inch and take a mile. That really pisses me off because I don't have it in my heart to even try to get away with that. Also, I DO NOT have a good poker face, so I might as well tattoo "guilty" on my forehead in bright letters. Why do I let little things get to me, raise my blood pressure, and drive me nuts?????

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Have you been in a situation where, no matter what you do or how you do it, someone is gonna be pissed, and somehow, you will be the one who ends up getting busted for it?

I am in a predicament. I need to work, everyday, to keep my sanity. But damn, there are days when I really wish I didn’t have to have contact with the outside world, as they drive me crazy!

I am one of these obsessive types who take what is handed to me and bust my ass until it’s done. I absolutely hate asking for help and sometimes, it’s just easier to do it myself than to try to delegate it.

I get yelled at when I don’t delegate because I am too busy and am already spread too thin. But then when I do delegate, I get in trouble because I get all the initial contacts.

WTF?

I can’t seem to win and some days, I just want to scream, but that is not appropriate for a lady, nor is it professionally politically-correct.

I do my job. I love my job. I need to keep busy. I hate asking for help. I strive to be the best. I need to do the best I can. I don’t try to dump on others. I don’t rely on others (as I always get let down). And I don’t expect anything from anyone else (because I am one of those strange people who don’t want to impose by asking for help).

fat and a failure

I bought a body detox kit. Ten days of this stuff and I feel like hell. Fay and bloated. Gross.
Now what? My vacation is just a couple weeks away.... now Im depressed.

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