E.D. Or D.E.?

I know I have issues with food. Wouldn't necessarily say I have an ED (eating disorder).... I have more of DE (disordered eating).... Which, in my opinion, are different!

Anyone lead out there fighting head demons?

How

How can I lose weight and still be lumpy?

It's strange...

I dyed my hair... She died her hair

I am going back to school and earned my degree and and recognition... She decided to go back to school.,,

I work with a personal trainer at the gym... She started working with a trainer at her gym...

Is this just wierd or what?

Random

Why?

I look at photos of pretty girls. I look at photos of toned and muscular females. I look at women in bikinis.

I wish I could look like them. I hate how I look. I am not pretty or sexy.

I feel like a piece of shit.

Why??

Difficult

Holidays of any type are hard.

Next week will he 5 years since I list my brother. Today is Father's Day and I miss my dad  my ex has left my sons life so he doesn't get Father's Day. 

I look at photos of pretty, thin, sexy women and feel so entirely fat, ugly and disgusting. I want to disappear. I hate how I feel. I wish I could find happiness but I am struggling so hard.

Body image

If you look at those I follow on Instagram, it's a lot if fitness and things like that.

I look at the photos and wish I could look like them. I wish I could be sexy. I wish I could be happy.

I am having struggles right now.

Mentally stressed

I keep looking at photos of thin, pretty women and wishing I could look like them. I want to be thin and pretty, or at least thought of as kinda sexy. I wish I had someone to hold me and cuddle with me, but I'm having no luck. I'm depressed and lonely. My sister is coming up town and I haven't seen her for a couple years. I have lost a considerable amount of weight since I saw her last, but I am not where I wish I was. I need to lose more weight. I am not thin enough or pretty enough. I am so upset with myself right now. I feel fat and ugly, homely and alone. What is wrong with me?

Hitting a wall

Mentally i am done.

I have hit the brick wall and am stuck.

Today is so... So.... UGH!!

Headache

My eating habits suck! I haven't been eating much. I'm to the point where I'm not hungry. I do have a headache and my calorie count is down. I just am not hungry.

I don't like this feeling.