Headache

My eating habits suck! I haven't been eating much. I'm to the point where I'm not hungry. I do have a headache and my calorie count is down. I just am not hungry.

I don't like this feeling. 

Swim suit season?

I received my first swimming suit catalog in the mail today. Granted, we have been in perpetual frozen tundra since December. Today we hit 40, saw the sun, and I got a catalog for swimming suits.... From Victorias Secret.

Guess I have to get my act in gear.

Doing things

We all do things for a reason. Some times they are for good reason, some times for bad, some times for benefit, some time for spite. I have found that I do things because, in my mind, they make sense and I can justify them. But in the big picture... They aren't really WRONG or BAD... They just might not be the best choices at the moment or for the situation. I don't see anything with them but others might feel my choices are not the smartest. If they understood the situation or even my thinking, they might see it differently, but they might not. Every thing is different, every day is different, everything has a different purpose and meaning. Consider the thoughts before jumping to conclusions.

Saturday

Today is a day that has been tough. I woke up feeling like hell. I'm not hungry. My weight is still down. I journal my food on line but there are days when I don't post because I don't want anyone to see what I ate because I know it's not enough. I know, in mind, what's right and wrong but it's tough to overcome. Today I was snacking on some lunch meat. Mom didn't say a word because she knew I hadn't eaten much so she didn't complain. I am mentally and emotionally torn... 

Ugh

I know I don't feel good because I really haven't eaten much.... But I haven't eatenuch because I don't feel good.

Meh....

I m losing weight, which is good. That's my goal but I feel exhausted and my mood is really kinda low. Just not happy with everything and part of me doesn't feel like it cares. I hate this cold dreary weather too. It messes me up too. Thank goodness it's Friday. Tomorrow I can sleep in.... Wish me luck on that... Body will be awake by 6am. Oh well.

Struggle today

I'm pacing and my mind is wandering.

This morning my son called me out on the calories I watch and that he is aware that I don't eat enough.

It's been hard. I am mentally struggling with do much right now. I don't feel good and that doesn't help.

I know I will be fine but I am having issues internally.

My mom called me out on the calories the other day and today my son did the same thing.

I don't feel like I'm starving but my family does. I wish I could understand all these feelings.

Battling food again

Have a down slide. Not really hungry, don't feel like eating, even my mom is on my case. Not up to eating. Know I should but just not for it. Feeling fat. Although I am still down 50+ lbs since November 2012, I feel the need to lose more because I feel fat and depressed. Been battling a sinus infection so it's been hard to work out so I am missing the gym. I need to get back at it....

random

I have a question...
Do people pick out and focus on other peoples flaws because they, themselves, are insecure?

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pain to power... good or bad

I have a problem.
I take something that has caused me pain and hurt, stewed on it, dwelled over it, and then used the festered anger to drive a power.
I use it to make myself do things. To force me to suck it up. To push myself to limits... healthy, safe, or not.
I can't explain it but its pain that lingers inside with nowhere to go. I use it to drive me, to push me, to fuel me.
Am I the only one who has these driving forces?

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