Did you see Starving for Perfection?

Last night, on E!, they had an Investigates show called Starving for Perfection. I watched it in awe, after being a long-time victim of the eating disorder world. I got chills up and down me as I listened to their stories and their symptoms. In more than one case, I got goosebumps as I was able to say "I've been there, I've done that, oh my god, someone else feels the same way".

It was disturbing to realize how many people suffer and try to get help. It's even more-so on how many suffer day-by-day in silence because people do not understand. In today's society, it's easier to deny the problem than trying to find a way to fix something like this.

I have to say, I have been there. I have been anorexic and I still fall into the self-starvation mode when I feel the numbers on the scale are not being nice. I may get a craving and then eat, after which I feel like absolute shit, so I head to the bathroom, lock the door and purge. Otherwise, laxatives work well, except for the cramping that doubles me over. I have also been known to get totally stressed and numb, which is where the cutting disorder rears it's head. Feeling the blade pierce the skin makes me feel like I am truly still human - waking me from a scary dark fog that clouds my mind. The sharp pain is a reminder. It's scary and kinda gross, but not much worse than starving or purging.

Disorders are bad and can do some serious damage. As I have mentioned previously, I have been a closet sufferer for so many years. My parents and friends would never understand, so it is much easier to keep it quiet. Although, admitting it is the first step, getting help is the big one. It won't go away on it's own - it's a skeleton that hangs in your closet, no matter how well you feel you have confonted it. Unless you get professional help, that skeleton will keep swinging the door open and showing itself.

If you don't do it for yourself, do it for those you love and those who love you. They may not understand the disorder, but they would understand even less if you end up dying from something they don't know how to explain.