Reality Check... SUCKS

I've been avoiding the inevitable... stepping on the scale. I was afraid to see the results. When I don't feel good about myself, why get on the scale and send my esteem into a downward spiral? I did it today... and I guess it's just deserved... I got on the scale and wanted to cry. I did not like what I saw, I hate how my clothes feel, no wonder I am alone, I want to die. I have a hard enough time with myself, but this takes the cake... I feel like a whale and want to disappear. I guess it's time for the drastic measures again... no one understands that once an eating disorder victim, there are always those tendencies somewhere in the back of my mind.