strange obsessions

Confession....
I love shoes
purses
Office supply stores
Disney movies
Guy fieri
Creamy peanut butter from the jar
Yellow jelly beans
And red jujyfruits...

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My "new" phase and the struggles within

I have to admit that it's been 5 months since I started this "awakening" to become a better me... physically and mentally.

It's been tough. Physically, I have lost weight, I have cut down on the junk I'm eating, I have made valiant efforts to be at the gym regularly (including holidays).... Mentally, it's all a matter of mind over matter. I need to keep an eye on what I am doing and know what is right and wrong...

But I have to admit... I am struggling... every day I find myself battling my past demons. The demons of my ED, the demons of mind over matter, the demons of what I need to do. It hurts and it's a struggle.

I thought I had this licked, but not completely... obviously. I am enjoying this new part of me.

I just wanted to admit it.... I will post more later.

Control Freaks of the World Unite...

Twisted Domestic Goddess Posted and it caught my attention

Control freaks of the world unite. Just don't forget I'm in charge

Trust me, I understand the term "control freak"... I am obsessive, yes, but a freak... no... well... yea... maybe... kinda.... 

I guess you can say that I do have these type of tendencies. I have to have things planned. I am not a "spur of the moment" person. Unless it's planned and I know what is happening... IT AIN'T HAPPENING!

I know that I follow behind my family and pick up dirty laundry, put dirty dishes in the sink, wipe the crumbs off the counter and in to the sink, put the tie wraps on the bread loaf, and the list goes on.

I guess I could call it obsessive... but since it seems to completely interfere with those around me, and drive them insane, I am thinking it's a control thing.

I also need to make sure lights are off, and no one person needs three tv's on, in three rooms on the house, when no one is watching any of them.

Yeah well, I am a control freak, with obsessive tendencies...

and damn proud of it!!!!!

 

I must confess...

I MUST CONFESS...

I Confess... I don't like change. It puts me into a spin of anxiety.

I Confess... I get jealous or feel threatened easily... I am insecure (to put it nicely)

I Confess... I hate how I look - I hate my body and I curse my family for the genes I inherited.

I Confess... I have odd cravings and I know I shouldn't, but I do. Oh well.

I Confess... I don't NEED any more shoes or purses, but I have to HAVE them...

Friday Confessions

 

FRIDAY CONFESSIONAL

I CONFESS...

I broke down and had a messy burger and fries for lunch yesterday (but then I spent an hour at the gym working out...)

I CONFESS...

I am giving away some jeans because they are "too short" and my ankles show.

I CONFESS...

I have bought several lottery tickets lately, which I rarely do.

I CONFESS...

I have been slacking on my school work this week because I just cannot get into my class!!

 

My Current Read - a memoir by Amanda Beard

 

My Current Read 

Have you ever tried to explain to people why you read the books you do? Have you ever been kind of ashamed to tell the truth?  I find myself attracted to books I can relate to, mentally, physically, emotionally. I am not sure if others find books based on that type of relationship, but I do. I find those that I can relate to more intriguing... knowing I am not alone in my struggles with life.

I don't share a lot about myself and many don't know much about me, but there are things that I keep hidden away, locked away, as so many people won't understand. This book I found, while "wandering". The overview hit me and struck a chord. The story of Amanda has so many similarities to my own life that I reserved it Wednesday morning and ran to get it at lunch. I haven't put it down since.

I found this book, while browsing Barnes & Noble. Amanda is an Olympic medalist, a world-class swimmer, a model, and a real person... battling depression, eating disorders, and self-destructive behavior,

"In this candid and ultimately uplifting memoir, Olympic medalist Amanda Beard reveals the truth about coming of age in the spotlight, the demons she battled along the way, and the new-found happiness that has proved to be her greatest victory."

If you get a chance, check it out. Even models and Olympic medalists have demons too.