argue... or not....

I pick my battles. I know when I want to argue but its not worth it. I get so mad when people don't pay attention. It pisses me off. I want to slap someone. I know if I yell, it escalates. Then he yells. I get mad and it all goes south. I have learned that I need to calm down in moments like those but its hard. Just totally hate it!

I hate the scale!!!!

I got on the scale this morning. Sucked! I hate the scale and everything it entails. I am starting Sensa today and figured I would weigh myself. Now I am freaking depressed! I knew I have felt like shit, but now I totally feel like it!

So ready to lose it!!!

Have you ever had a day where people just push you to the limit? Why is it that if someone else does something wrong, it's never really wrong, but if I miss dotting an "i" or crossing a "t", then all hell breaks loose and I am sloppy? I get so F'n sick of the "SIGHHHHHHH" I get when people get snotty. Back off and go to hell! If you want to do my job - then take it! Don't ask me for help and don't expect me to be pleasant... oh, and by the way... good luck on that! You think you know it all, then you can have it!!!!!

stressed

Okay, lost it today. Second time in 2 weeks, but this meltdown was open to the public. I was so upset!!!!

I felt like I had been openly attacked verbally and it pissed me off. I put my faith in someone I trust and bust my ass to work hard... and he kicks my knees out from under me.

I don't handle that well. I can hold my own, and trust me, I am one bull-headed english-woman who doesn't take shit when getting pushed.

The worst part about the verbal attack in front of over half-dozen peers, is that the response was "I don't understand why you are taking this so personal?"

I almost snapped right then and there!!!!

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angry and hurt

I hate feeling like this. It consumes me and destroys me. I have to keep my mouth shut or else I will truly say something that I will regret. I already lost it completely last time and I am trying to avoid it happening all over again.

WTF is wrong with me?

Fighting with myself

I feel like shit when I eat something I shouldn't. I feel gross when the scale shifts. I know salt kills me. Part of me gets frustrated and angry. I hate myself. I want to cry. I hate everything that goes on around me and in my mind.

Jealousy and Anger

Why do I let jealousy and anger consume and destroy my life?
It is because I have been hurt so many times that my ability to trust... ANYONE... is shot to hell? Everyone I have encountered has some how managed to hurt me, physically, mentally, and/or emotionally. I can't take it anymore. I am so angry and hurt that I can't deal with anyone. I take so much personally, especially when I know that if I say anything, I will be told I am jumping to conclusions, or I am over-reacting, or I am being stupid. I really do hate it when people say that. It really just pisses me off even more. And now, now, I find out that a group went out together. Nothing like truly feeling like dog shit. I hate being the last man out. I wish I could honestly say that it doesn't bother me and I can get over it, but I can't see that happening any time soon.

Speaking my thoughts

There is so much I want to say but I know it will come out bad. I am still so angry. I need to keep my mouth shut and keep my temper cool.

Tension

I can feel the blood starting to boil!
Thank god we're on the countdown.

Your response

I know if I tell you I'm jealous or hurt, you will tell me to grow up and quit over-reacting. I hate you even more for that!

I am so sick of excuses

Poor baby... so tired... awwww... tough shit!
Did you hang out with her last night? Is that why? Do you take advantage of the situation? She is wearing awful pretty panties today. Did you notice those? As she leans over by you and moves in? Do you notice her tight shirt? Her low-cut jeans? He lacy panties? Anything else? Do you know what is under all that? What is inside all that? Did she make you happy? I know what you have done with me. Did you do that with her also? Am I just jumping to conclusions? Or did you decide that young and tight is the way you want it?

The Hand that Feeds You

I am off today and tomorrow it's over.
I am sure you will think it is all back to normal. Right now, you both probably think I am a total bitch because of my mood and tone, but it has never occurred to you that it is a product of your own actions. You have no flipping idea that you created this monster that has been here the last 2 days. You are totally blind and ignorant. I am a piece of shit and she is young, thin, pretty, and obviously smitten on you.

When this week is over and we are back to our schedule, please realize that things have changed. Next week, you will need me and need my help. But I am warning you ahead of time that you need to think REALLY CAREFULLY about this. Just remember who's hand you bit when this was all happening. Just remember, I am wounded and angry. Your best bet is to just turn around and walk away. Remember, I am not pretty and sexy to you anymore. There is obviously someone else and you were not afraid to hurt me in the process.

Back away, stay away, and go to hell!

Bad Day Yesterday

He took the two of them to lunch and left me alone behind - without saying a word. Glad I am so invisible.

I was sooooooo angry when they left, I started to cry. I wanted to scream and hollar. I literally wanted to punch something, really really hard!!!! I was so enraged that I was ready to explode. So angry that I was shaking. I don't normally get like that... and I haven't been that way for a LONG time, but it scares me because I know I can do some major damage to anyone who gets in my way!

The crying helped, but the anger and jealousy is still there.

Not getting better!

I can almost guess he is taking her to lunch. If he does, I will lose it!

Aarrgghh!

Now he's making a point of talking to me. I think he knows I am pissed!

VENT

When she's here, I am dogshit!

I am PISSED!

WTF? Why? Ass! He can go straight to hell and rot there! To hell with all of them!!

Angry at Her

It kills me each time he mentions HER. I hate her for what she has done to him.

First u don't even notice and then I feel like I'm 4. WTF?

I still get angry and jealous. I can't compete. She acts like she's someone special and I feel like a dog when she's around - kicked to the curb!