31 December 2010

Chemistry

Have you ever found someone in your path that makes you feel complete? The problem is that our lives are at different points. I want us to be one, I want to feel complete. I want to be complete with you. Will our paths come together? I am hoping so, as you are important to me and I don't want to lose you. Even others can feel our chemistry.

27 December 2010

Aarrgghh

Well, you asked me if santa brought me what I asked for. I told you no. Why ask if you don't really want to know, or worse yet, DON'T REALLY CARE? Why do I bother? I am sure your christmas wishes and requests were filled by HER... I really need to quit getting my hopes and dreams up, as they only end up getting stomped on and crushed.

26 December 2010

Lonely

I am going to be an old woman who lives with lots of cats and becomes scrooge at christmas. I hate the holidays and feeling so alone. What is wrong with me?

23 December 2010

Bah humbug!

Frustrating. I really don't like the holidays. They depress me. I spend them alone, no one to hug or kiss, or even snuggle with. I hate feeling lost and alone.

16 December 2010

I am my own worst enemy

The more I think, the worse I get, the more my mind wanders and the more I start to kill myself inside. I am at fault no matter what. Why did I do this myself? Why do you tear me apart like this?

14 December 2010

Why do you do this?

Do you have any idea what these mind games do to me? You make me wonder what is wrong me. Why do you do this? Why do you twist my mind in all these different directions? Do you find pleasure in my pain?

09 December 2010

So frustrated

You make me so frustrated that I'm not sure which way I'm going anymore. Why do I feel so frustrated when you try to help me? I feel so threatened that it drives me nuts! Help is good, but I feel threatened beyond belief. I know you don't understand and tupi think I'm nuts, but you should know me by now.Do I still drive you insane with my fears and phobias?

30 November 2010

Life sucks

Feeling like hell. Fat and ugly. Watching millionaire matchmaker and drinking wine. Hate everything!

16 November 2010

long week

This has been the last 5 days from hell. stress, frustration, anger, and pain. Really just want to give up.

12 November 2010

02 November 2010

I get soooooo mad. I HATE "all work and no play". I can hear her. What are you two doing? You are embarrassed about me, aren't you?
I'm sure she's sitting close, smelling your cologne, her hand on your leg. You can smell her too. Does she make you happy? Do you want her instead of me?

01 November 2010

29 October 2010

The topic of her

I know we have something, but it bothers me and I get so insecure. I used to wonder about her looks. And then I saw her. I am so insecure. I feel like I cannot compare. Why?

21 October 2010

19 October 2010

Figures!!

Has time for the strange voice that freaked when I answered the phone but no time for me! WTF? Piss me off. What happed to "timing will work out?"

05 October 2010

Diet plateau

Have you ever been on a diet plan that hits a plateau?

I am so angry and frustrated. I hate this.

12 September 2010

Fighting with myself

I feel like shit when I eat something I shouldn't. I feel gross when the scale shifts. I know salt kills me. Part of me gets frustrated and angry. I hate myself. I want to cry. I hate everything that goes on around me and in my mind.

20 August 2010

Jealousy and Anger

Why do I let jealousy and anger consume and destroy my life?
It is because I have been hurt so many times that my ability to trust... ANYONE... is shot to hell? Everyone I have encountered has some how managed to hurt me, physically, mentally, and/or emotionally. I can't take it anymore. I am so angry and hurt that I can't deal with anyone. I take so much personally, especially when I know that if I say anything, I will be told I am jumping to conclusions, or I am over-reacting, or I am being stupid. I really do hate it when people say that. It really just pisses me off even more. And now, now, I find out that a group went out together. Nothing like truly feeling like dog shit. I hate being the last man out. I wish I could honestly say that it doesn't bother me and I can get over it, but I can't see that happening any time soon.

Speaking my thoughts

There is so much I want to say but I know it will come out bad. I am still so angry. I need to keep my mouth shut and keep my temper cool.

Tension

I can feel the blood starting to boil!
Thank god we're on the countdown.

19 August 2010

Your response

I know if I tell you I'm jealous or hurt, you will tell me to grow up and quit over-reacting. I hate you even more for that!

I am so sick of excuses

Poor baby... so tired... awwww... tough shit!
Did you hang out with her last night? Is that why? Do you take advantage of the situation? She is wearing awful pretty panties today. Did you notice those? As she leans over by you and moves in? Do you notice her tight shirt? Her low-cut jeans? He lacy panties? Anything else? Do you know what is under all that? What is inside all that? Did she make you happy? I know what you have done with me. Did you do that with her also? Am I just jumping to conclusions? Or did you decide that young and tight is the way you want it?

The Hand that Feeds You

I am off today and tomorrow it's over.
I am sure you will think it is all back to normal. Right now, you both probably think I am a total bitch because of my mood and tone, but it has never occurred to you that it is a product of your own actions. You have no flipping idea that you created this monster that has been here the last 2 days. You are totally blind and ignorant. I am a piece of shit and she is young, thin, pretty, and obviously smitten on you.

When this week is over and we are back to our schedule, please realize that things have changed. Next week, you will need me and need my help. But I am warning you ahead of time that you need to think REALLY CAREFULLY about this. Just remember who's hand you bit when this was all happening. Just remember, I am wounded and angry. Your best bet is to just turn around and walk away. Remember, I am not pretty and sexy to you anymore. There is obviously someone else and you were not afraid to hurt me in the process.

Back away, stay away, and go to hell!

Bad Day Yesterday

He took the two of them to lunch and left me alone behind - without saying a word. Glad I am so invisible.

I was sooooooo angry when they left, I started to cry. I wanted to scream and hollar. I literally wanted to punch something, really really hard!!!! I was so enraged that I was ready to explode. So angry that I was shaking. I don't normally get like that... and I haven't been that way for a LONG time, but it scares me because I know I can do some major damage to anyone who gets in my way!

The crying helped, but the anger and jealousy is still there.

18 August 2010

Not getting better!

I can almost guess he is taking her to lunch. If he does, I will lose it!

Aarrgghh!

Now he's making a point of talking to me. I think he knows I am pissed!

VENT

When she's here, I am dogshit!

I am PISSED!

WTF? Why? Ass! He can go straight to hell and rot there! To hell with all of them!!

GUYS!

Why does guys tend to look for and fall for the ones that are really pretty or hot, but they may be dumber than a stump??? What is it? Is it an easy score? I don't flippin' understand! WTF???????

17 August 2010

Threatened

Why do other women threaten me? Am I so insecure? Is it because I've been hurt so many times before? I hate this!

15 August 2010

09 August 2010

Today's technology

Did you know that technology can destroy people? When I was younger, we didn't have internet, computers or cell phones. Now, there is too much technology b.s. He said she said, verbal abuse, bullying, so much!

06 August 2010

I have to bite my tongue

Part of me wants to tell you "see what I go through - now you know how I feel" but I am going to just keep my mouth shut.

Why do I feel so threatened when people try to help me? Why do I feel like he would rather have her down here instead of me? Am I a thorn in his side? Am I someone who doesn't fit in?

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I take such offense? Is it just me, or is it that I have been hurt so many times that I have no ability to openly trust people?

08 July 2010

Crabby Old Lady

At what point do you become a crabby old lady, hellbent on pissing off everyone around you? I don't want to be like her.

28 June 2010

27 June 2010

Diet... Sexy...

I must stick 2 the diet. I need 2 b thin n sexy for my man. I believe in destiny. How about u?

22 June 2010

Don't lie to me

Need to vent! Don't appreciate being lied to! Also don't truly like when people need to be one up on everyone else. Those people who are "privi".

18 May 2010

First u don't even notice and then I feel like I'm 4. WTF?
I feel threatened, like someone is going to take away what I do. If I don't have something I feel useless.

14 May 2010

I still get angry and jealous. I can't compete. She acts like she's someone special and I feel like a dog when she's around - kicked to the curb!

My Space

Don't get in my space. I get obsessive, possessive, and territorial.

14 April 2010

Maybe I get so frustrated because you're here and then you're gone. My heart and mind can keep this up.
I know I made a comment I shouldn't have, but you laughed because you know it was eating at me.
Sarcasm has a place and time but @ 6:30am IS NOT it!

13 April 2010

21 March 2010

Why?

Why is the man I am in love with someone else physically?

Craving

Did u know reduced fat pb still has 12g fat? There is a part of my prob. That's my craving! Bummer!

25 January 2010

Scale

Went 2 the doctor. Made me get on the scale! Now I'm depressed! Told me I need to lose weight. Now I feel like shit.

24 January 2010

The Doctor

Going to the doctor really sucks. Worst thing is that they make me get on the scale. I don't need them telling me how fat and obese I am!

15 January 2010

Snap out of it!

Cannot stand constant whining. Act like a flipping adult! You ain't no queen. Or even a princess! Snap out of it!

14 January 2010

03 January 2010

Happy New Year

It's a new year and I am confused. The love of my life has come home and I want to be happy. First, I MUST LOSE WEIGHT!!
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