mental meltdown

Competed in the challenge. Qualified locally. Did not qualify nationally. Need to amp it up. Feel like a failure. Need to work out, work harder, and lose more weight. I feel fat and disgusting.

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... and he never found out.

April 2012 Blog Hop

Monday April 9, 2012 Blog Prompt

... and he never found out!

I was pregnant. I was suffering with an ED. I was not happy. I was feeling like hell. I knew I couldn't avoid food. It wasn't safe. It wasn't right. He wouldn't let me. He made me eat. But I still battled the ED, this time from the other side. I hated eating. It made me depressed. I couldn't do it. I felt like shit when I ate. If only he knew... but I was lucky... he never found out...

NOT a good start...

I figured I was doing so well. I felt happy, but then I got on the scale today. I want to cry... as I throw the damn thing out the window. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate how I feel. Now, I hate how my clothes feel. I am so unhappy in my own skin that I can't stand it. I don't like how I am feeling this morning. I feel depressed and angry. I want to cry. I can't see anything special about me, why should anyone else? I want to put my sweats back on and crawl under my covers and hide. Bah Humbug. This is gonna be a rough start to my "already-not-feeling-the-spirit" holiday season.

feel like hell

Not up to anything today. Feel like hell - fat, miserable and ugly. Hate myself and everything about me. What is wrong with me? I am so frustrated and confused. Why do I feel this way? I want to get a tattoo on my lower back but feel too gross and miserable to do it. I am determined this is my life...

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stress and ugly

I feel fat and ugly. I am sick of being this way. I hate myself, my body, everything. I am so tired of being alone. I hate myself. I hate this. I want to find a way to lose weight. Any suggestions? I am at my wit's end!

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