16 August 2008

Here I am and I look around..

I look around at where I am and realize that I am unhappy.

Where I am now, I am alone and feeling very much the same way. As I walk into this house, I see two people who love each other and so much around them. I feel like, from what I can see, they live in a perfect world. They are both "pretty" and so damn perfect, it makes me sick. I would give anything some days to be this way.

Instead I see myself as fat, ugly, alone, miserable, and not one of the pretty, and lucky people.

Have you ever known people who seem to just have things land in their laps? I do, but not me... I am not one of the lucky few. I seem to have to work my ass off for what I have and still feel like a miserable piece of shit.

I am sad and lonely... just need to talk... no one else to turn to when I need to cry or vent... just me...

11 August 2008

Okay - It's been a while, but time to vent

I guess I just don't understand. Maybe I am just too sensitive, maybe I just care too much, maybe I just take too much to heart.

I just feel like I am taken for granted and taken advantage of. It seems like I can be trusted with so much, but when it comes to something that is so "secure", I don't have access, but it seems like everyone else around me does... although no one is supposed to. The worst part is that they won't do anything about it, but so many people continue to rub it in that I don't have access.

I guess maybe I am not worth it, not trusting enough, or they just don't care. Why do I? Why does it bother me so damn much? It totally pisses me off - and makes me feel like shit!
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