I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!

Right now I'm struggling and really do hate myself. I am in a funk and can't shake it. I am a miserable piece of shit and want to disappear!!!

grrrrrrrr

My day has totally sucked. I'm pissed and frustrated. Things went from bad to worse.

Want to crawl under the covers and hide.

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bad day

Eve had a day start good at 5am and by 7am my mind is racing and I want to die?

Its going to be bad today. Actually in 20 minutes it went down.... yelling screaming crying shaking.    I hate this feeling.

Fuck this! I want to quit!!!!

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mental meltdown

Competed in the challenge. Qualified locally. Did not qualify nationally. Need to amp it up. Feel like a failure. Need to work out, work harder, and lose more weight. I feel fat and disgusting.

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Trust? or Not to Trust? That is the question

I trusted you. I thought you were my friend. But you proved me wrong.

You made me so mad. I told you my secret and you couldn't keep your mouth shut.

I felt like we were close enough to confide in you, but I guess I was wrong.

I am angry and totally betrayed, yet relieved in a funny sort of way.

I am not sure who all you told, or even what you told them. I want to confront you, I want to know why, but I can't. No, actually, I WON'T. It is so not worth it. Why should I get upset? You saved me the trouble of telling people. But guess what, those that I want to tell, I will, personally. Those who don't need to know, I don't need to tell... and won't. Leave them wondering why I didn't say anything.

I have learned, that I cannot trust anyone... well not really anyone... but there are a few. Anyway. It is now knowing that those around me don't respect me enough to keep something so important to me, quiet, then I guess it's time to move on. Which is the next step in my life and my changed.

For those who know me...

I will forgive.. I will never forget though.

I am nice... but not that nice.

So ready to lose it!!!

Have you ever had a day where people just push you to the limit? Why is it that if someone else does something wrong, it's never really wrong, but if I miss dotting an "i" or crossing a "t", then all hell breaks loose and I am sloppy? I get so F'n sick of the "SIGHHHHHHH" I get when people get snotty. Back off and go to hell! If you want to do my job - then take it! Don't ask me for help and don't expect me to be pleasant... oh, and by the way... good luck on that! You think you know it all, then you can have it!!!!!

The Scale...

I got on the scale this morning. I knew I shouldn't but I haven't for a while. I had to have a reality check. The numbers were definitely not my friend, but they haven't gone up since the last time. That is a good thing, but it still makes me feel like hell. I hate my body, I hate myself, and how my clothes fit. I don't even like how I feel in my own body. ICK! I am too tired to really give a damn, but I hate myself so much that I truly don't give a damn. I am caught in a loop of madness and I don't know which way I am spinning.

todays post

Feeling fat, ugly, and oh so gross! Just want to pull the covers back over my head and cry!

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