31 December 2011

New year's

Less than 6 hours to 2012.

I haven't completely made my resolutions. Have you?

How do you award yourself for sticking with your list?

I don't know...

30 December 2011

Bloggy Moms - Blog Dare 12.30.11

Friday, December 30, 2011 - A look back on 2011
Well, I have to admit - 2011 was a whirlwind of stuff for me and my family.
Too much to think about that it makes my poor brain hurt.
I learned a lot and got hurt a lot.
I got back up and dusted myself off.
I can't just lay there... nothing will get done,
and it sure as hell won't get better.
I guess trudging forward is the way to do it.
Out with the old, in with the new.
2011 taught me much,
made me realize that you never know when your life will change,
and always appreciate what you have.
But... I am looking forward to 2012...

29 December 2011

Bloggy Moms - 2012 is around the corner


a mom blog community

Bloggy Moms December 2011 Blog Dare

Thursday December 29, 2011 - My New Years Resolution{s}...

Okay, so here we go again... the new year... the new year's resoluations...
So, we do make resolutions that we REALLY want to accomplish, or do we make the ones that we know we will are a shoe in to do? (That is the question).

My usual... all too often...
1. Lose weight
2. Go to the gym more often
3. Take more time for me
4. Find time to relax
5. Spend more time with my son
6. Stop (or cut back) on procrastinating.
7. Pass my upcoming college courses
8. Update my resume
9. Find happiness in my life

You do realize... this list could keep going on...
so I guess I'll spare you the pain of reading it, so I will end it here.

P.S... If we accomplish something exciting, can we add it to the list, so we can cross it off???? (Just checking!)

28 December 2011

Need to think (out loud)

I just received a phone call, from a friend of mine. I met her close to 10 years ago and we hit it off. She was a pretty, bubbly, outgoing, special lady. 

When she gave up her life here to move down south with a southern gentleman, she left with me, a small hand made crystal, wrapped in silver, with other stones attached. Since that day, it has remained with me, in my wallet, always with me, at my side. I think about her often, as I look at it and touch it. Wondering how she is doing.

Anyway, the purpose of this post...
This southern gentleman, D, has always been softspoken and polite, but with the ability to be a growly, gruff, bear.
L has always been sweet and soft-spoken, with her occasional "get outta my face" attitude.

Lately she has been in a not-so-happy place. Her husband travels and they live in the middle of pretty-much nowhere. He does not feel she needs access to the internet. He monitors her cell phone minutes. If she goes over, he takes it away from her.

He has gone from being a loving, caring, romantic man, to Dr Jeckyll/Mr Hyde.

She calls me from his phone while he is busy, so he doesn't know she calls. She's afraid he will take the phone from her. He tells her she doesn't need email or internet access. When she does use the internet, it's only when he is home and when he stands over her shoulder.

I guess what triggered my frustration and fright today is that she called me, while he was in the shower, so she could talk to me. I could hear the fright and aloneness in her voice. She called to tell me she received my Christmas letter and it touched her and made her realize that we all have comforts... mine was telling everyone that I asked my son to bring me my teddy bear when I was in the hospital. Yes, I am 42 years old and still sleep with a teddy bear. He goes everywhere with me and he is my comfort.

I feel so bad. My heart goes out for her. She has lost her friends. Her family has been alienated. She is alone in that world. I understand her pain, as I have been there, but she is in no position to go anywhere. She has nothing of her own and no where to go.

I am glad that we are still close enough that we can talk, giving her a line of communication, with someone who knows both of them, and knows that type of living situation.

I feel so sad that people have to live like that... living in fear every day.
It's not right... and we shouldn't have to suffer like that...
but we do... we have... we will...

If you know anyone who is suffering like that, or at all, please help them get help. At least so they know they aren't alone in their struggles... We are never alone... we are not alone... and we should never be alone...

It's Friends-day Wednesday 12/28

Come along and blog hop with us

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27 December 2011

Coming off the holiday high

Friday was Christmas shopping.

Saturday was Christmas Eve and food.

Sunday was Christmas, and church, and family dinner.

Monday was clean up a.d recoup.

Today - back to work, to a regular routine.

The holidays take their toll on me, especially when I am not totally into them to begin with.

Just not in the mood for anything or anyone today.

Now I'm back to stressing... over life, school, my job, money, my son...

Welcome back to reality.

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It's Tuesday

26 December 2011

This blog is honesty, truth

I started this blog as a sort-of on-line journal.

I write these posts out of honesty. I want to discuss real topics and express real feelings.

My followers are important and I want everyone to know that I want to be able to identify with others.

I discuss weight, my son, work, stress, disorders, etc. I want to be able to touch people with what I write and reach them.

Thank you for following.

Blog Dare Blog Prompts Dec 26, 2011

How I organize all the gifts received!

Well, let me think... 
Two gift cards... yep, can spend those without a problem.
Car insurance payment... yep, that's got a stamp and is ready for mailing.
Bottle of wine... yep, can drink that without a problem.
Candles... not a problem to burn them.
CD... put on my computer and is now in my car.
Well, that's about it... all organized...
kind of a pathetic Christmas, but oh well, I am getting used to it.

25 December 2011

Holiday Frustrations

The holidays are good, but I have a hard time getting into them. I find myself getting depressed and feeling a strong anxiety. My niece is thin, pretty, has a great husband, life, etc. My other niece is gorgeous, her family has money, her boyfriend is great, and she is happy. My brother and his wife have a nice house, in the lake,  and go on vacation.  And then there is me... I'm a full-time, single mom, divorced, unhappy with my body, no self-esteem, working full-time, going to school, living with my mom, and living paycheck to paycheck. I'm envious. And jealous. And miserable. I feel useless and worthless and like a failure, compared to those in my family.

24 December 2011

Wishing Everyone a Happy Holiday Weekend

Well, it's officially Christmas Eve Day. I am all off wack, as I didn't have to work yesterday... instead, I went to do my Christmas shopping. I am one who hates to shop, so I wait as long as I possibly can before forging ahead. Tonight is family night - we celebrate with my aunts and uncles, cousins, and brothers. I an looking forward to it, but not to all the food that will be there. I have to keep from grazing. And then tomorrow is church and then early dinner with my brother and his family. I cannot wait until the holidays are over. I am not truly a grinch, but it has gotten so commercial and so much money is spent, what happened to tradition of spending quality family time?

22 December 2011

Just when you think all is well

I have had a rough day - it started out rough and the day just keeps going that way. I don't know why I let things get to me, especially little things. I guess I am one of those who are obsessive about what I do. I don't want to do it wrong, otherwise I am a basket-case. I don't want to be late (for anything) because someone is waiting on me. I don't want to skip out on what I need to do, because someone will be effected. I am strangely consciencous of what I do and how I do it. Then ther are so many people who are out there who play the system. Give them an inch and take a mile. That really pisses me off because I don't have it in my heart to even try to get away with that. Also, I DO NOT have a good poker face, so I might as well tattoo "guilty" on my forehead in bright letters. Why do I let little things get to me, raise my blood pressure, and drive me nuts?????

The best stocking stuffers... Dec 22, 2011 Blog Dare Prompt

Depending on the age... my son still enjoys small candy items, little nicknack that work with his collection, and even gift cards...

That's the best I am able to come up with, but it works.

NOT a good start...

I figured I was doing so well. I felt happy, but then I got on the scale today. I want to cry... as I throw the damn thing out the window. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate how I feel. Now, I hate how my clothes feel. I am so unhappy in my own skin that I can't stand it. I don't like how I am feeling this morning. I feel depressed and angry. I want to cry. I can't see anything special about me, why should anyone else? I want to put my sweats back on and crawl under my covers and hide. Bah Humbug. This is gonna be a rough start to my "already-not-feeling-the-spirit" holiday season.

21 December 2011

Friends-day Wednesday 12/21/11

The MamaZone Button

Skinny Jeans question...

I know this is a strange questions, but I figured I would put it out there...

What do you think of skinny jeans?
Do you own any?
Have you tried them on?
How do they fit?
Do you have a favorite brand?

HELP!!!!!!! I am sooooo confused!

Just curious. Wondering if they can help me see myself in a different image?


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