Too much at one time

Feel like hell

weather has changed and feels dreary

Dark in the morning

My birthday

All alone

Feel fat

Feel sad

Suffer from OCD and anxiety

Introvert who overextends myself

Hard on myself

Can't keep doing this

Something's gotta give...

Makeup and dress up

I have a dinner to attend tonight. I'm dressed up (new dress), with makeup , my hair is down, and I got dressed, feeling pretty.

In the last hour, I suddenly don't feel as pretty. I look at myself in the mirror and am not happy with who I am. I feel like I suddenly am fat and ugly. I'm alone DND sad.

I hard events where I feel alone. All by myself.

All alone... And ugly....

How

How can I lose weight and still be lumpy?

Random

Why?

I look at photos of pretty girls. I look at photos of toned and muscular females. I look at women in bikinis.

I wish I could look like them. I hate how I look. I am not pretty or sexy.

I feel like a piece of shit.

Why??

Body image

If you look at those I follow on Instagram, it's a lot if fitness and things like that.

I look at the photos and wish I could look like them. I wish I could be sexy. I wish I could be happy.

I am having struggles right now.

Mentally stressed

I keep looking at photos of thin, pretty women and wishing I could look like them. I want to be thin and pretty, or at least thought of as kinda sexy. I wish I had someone to hold me and cuddle with me, but I'm having no luck. I'm depressed and lonely. My sister is coming up town and I haven't seen her for a couple years. I have lost a considerable amount of weight since I saw her last, but I am not where I wish I was. I need to lose more weight. I am not thin enough or pretty enough. I am so upset with myself right now. I feel fat and ugly, homely and alone. What is wrong with me?

Saturday

Today is a day that has been tough. I woke up feeling like hell. I'm not hungry. My weight is still down. I journal my food on line but there are days when I don't post because I don't want anyone to see what I ate because I know it's not enough. I know, in mind, what's right and wrong but it's tough to overcome. Today I was snacking on some lunch meat. Mom didn't say a word because she knew I hadn't eaten much so she didn't complain. I am mentally and emotionally torn... 

Struggle today

I'm pacing and my mind is wandering.

This morning my son called me out on the calories I watch and that he is aware that I don't eat enough.

It's been hard. I am mentally struggling with do much right now. I don't feel good and that doesn't help.

I know I will be fine but I am having issues internally.

My mom called me out on the calories the other day and today my son did the same thing.

I don't feel like I'm starving but my family does. I wish I could understand all these feelings.

Battling food again

Have a down slide. Not really hungry, don't feel like eating, even my mom is on my case. Not up to eating. Know I should but just not for it. Feeling fat. Although I am still down 50+ lbs since November 2012, I feel the need to lose more because I feel fat and depressed. Been battling a sinus infection so it's been hard to work out so I am missing the gym. I need to get back at it....

this is hard

Im having a rough one today....lost alone stressed fat and overwhelmed. Its been a long time but feeling like making a cut would release the anxiety........

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What to do?

Okay, down 60+ pounds. Hitting a plateau. Fighting it. Hating myself. Struggling. Stressing. Sad. Lost. Even a little unhappy.

mental meltdown

Competed in the challenge. Qualified locally. Did not qualify nationally. Need to amp it up. Feel like a failure. Need to work out, work harder, and lose more weight. I feel fat and disgusting.

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down 60 lbs

Since November, I'm down 60 pounds. I feel good. I need to keep it going. I have hit a plateau. I'm stressed. I need to lose more...

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My weight loss journey

In August I started a new job, where we have a path to walk at break and lunch.

In November we did a monitoring to keep everyone (who wanted) accountable over the holidays... I totally rocked those 3 months!! Woo hoo.

In January, my gym started a body challenge for 3 months so I am going with that.

I am feeling awesome and my clothes are getting big. I am down over 30 pounds and am thrilled! I want to lose another 30 to reach my ideal weight... So I'm going to keep plugging along.

For once in a long time, I feel good. I still can't say that I like my body, but I am working on accepting it. I guess thats a one day at a time thing.

I am learning to grow and growing by learning.

Commitment vs obsession

At what point does the fitness commitment become an obsession?

I am working out and losing weight. I am counting my calories. and I love the fact my clothes are big, but I cannot see it in myself.

I get all hung up on calories and eat too few, even when I work out. I have a number I am aiming for, which is my IBW.

There is so much going through my mind that I am truly not sure any more.

When is the commitment I am making to myself become an obsession?

Why can't I????

If Khloe can be that way, why can't I?

If she can be 5'10" and weight 145lbs, why can't I?

I guess I need to look at the weight and the body structure... but I'm only 5'8" and I am no where near 145lbs.

My idea weight is 145-165... and right now, in this mood, I would KILL to be in that range.

I have been training and working out, and watching my food, but I feel like hell.

I am sad. I hate the holidays... and now I feel even fatter with the holidays coming.

Carbohydrates and cravings - Advice Please!!!

I know it's been a while since I have been here... it's been busy and I am beat, but I think about this space often and wish I had about 30 hours in a day... just to do everything I would like to do... especially writing...

Anyway, I have a conundrum! I am trying to watch what I an eating and doing the whole "sensa" thing, but I am struggling with something... carbs... CARBS!  They hate me... and they are not my friend.

I NEED GUIDANCE... FROM ANYONE WHO HAS RUN INTO THIS SITUATION...

I am a carb junkie... and I am working to cut them out... which is all good... but the lack of carbs make me tired. Is this correct? Or is it in my head? (I have been told it's mind over matter)... but anyway... I love oatmeal and bagels, but I find that if I eat these things in the morning, I crave all day long... I can eat constantly. Is my blood sugar spiking? What is happening?

I am having a meltdown with all these feelings... I had oatmeal this morning and am totally hating myself right now!

Please... anyone?

Feeling good

Today is the 4th day since I started using Sensa. I am getting used to remembering it. I feel I am doing pretty well, especially since I started on Sunday when we went out for breakfast and had company for dinner. Monday was a group lunch and then company dinner. Tuesday was another group lunch. And I still feel positive. I haven't changed what I eat, so we will see how it works.
After the bad day on the scale, I need to get back on track.
I will keep you updated.

in which I could be considered a bad mom...

My son, as you know, has a never ceasing appetite. He eats out of boredom... And because it is there. My mom buys junk and then gets mad when he eats it. My answer (very unwelcome) is "well then, DON'T buy it!"

It's now summer vacation and I know he doesn't like his weight. To be honest, his dad would be upset.

Anyway, I refuse to buy the junk when I go shopping. Either him and grandma will learn to live with it... Or not. I am NOT contributing. He is home and doesn't need a brown bag lunch, so no crap.

He got upset when I confronted him at the gym about his weight. He started to tear up. I explained that he could lose weight and wear smaller clothes come the school year if he  put his mind to it. I can't monitor him 24/7, but I can give him the tools. I know how he feels, but he has to want to. Grandma doesn't need the junk any more than he does, but she doesn't listen any better than he does!

As a mom with a conscience, and a recovering ED, I can't just sit by. I will not aid and will not enable. He just needs to open his eyes and use the tools.