Hitting this fall hard

Never did anything but one of the walks for breast cancer. Just did a 5k mud run (kinda). And have signed up for 2 more 5k walks, a 10k, and next years 5k mud run.

My trainer went off to school so I am on my own. Need to get my ass in gear and JUST DO IT!!!!

Setting standards for myself

OK. I did finish in my age group on the challenge. Awesome. Lost weight. Lost inches. Toned up. Built up cardio. Doing well. Got the results for the national level. Didn't make it into the top 15 women for my age group (old). Bummed. Should be happy I made it local. Wasn't even trying. Should be happy. Now I need to try harder. Have to qualify in both levels next year. MUST! Need to find the next challenge to work toward. I will never completely be happy with me.... I can tell you that already....

My weight loss journey

In August I started a new job, where we have a path to walk at break and lunch.

In November we did a monitoring to keep everyone (who wanted) accountable over the holidays... I totally rocked those 3 months!! Woo hoo.

In January, my gym started a body challenge for 3 months so I am going with that.

I am feeling awesome and my clothes are getting big. I am down over 30 pounds and am thrilled! I want to lose another 30 to reach my ideal weight... So I'm going to keep plugging along.

For once in a long time, I feel good. I still can't say that I like my body, but I am working on accepting it. I guess thats a one day at a time thing.

I am learning to grow and growing by learning.

Happy Sunday

I know my timing has been sporatic, but I am still here. I am reading more about cutting wheat out of my diet, learning how to eat healthy, and even considering doing a 5k run/walk (in my case it'll be more of a walk) but still...

My son goes to the gym with me and he prefers swimming. I enjoy it too, but I like lifting weights and doing cardio. I am kind of a toner at the gym.... I would rather turn on my ipod and enter my own world.

I guess if I do the 5k, it'll be on my own, but part of me knows its for the best, but another part if me wishes I had the support....

Anyway.... Sweet dreams my fellow peeps. Have a good evening.

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Working out...

Nothing beats the rush a person gets when they push themselves and exercise.... Except when your trainer, even on off-days, tells you that you are going well and keep up the great work.
Wow... Definitely an incentive to keep Working hard.

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Commitment vs obsession

At what point does the fitness commitment become an obsession?

I am working out and losing weight. I am counting my calories. and I love the fact my clothes are big, but I cannot see it in myself.

I get all hung up on calories and eat too few, even when I work out. I have a number I am aiming for, which is my IBW.

There is so much going through my mind that I am truly not sure any more.

When is the commitment I am making to myself become an obsession?

My Trainer...

I have mentioned him earlier... maybe only once.... but I will mention him again...

He is a doll. I love him to death.... he pushes me to my limits, eggs me on, forces me to my limits, and is still there when I am not having a training session with him.

Okay, he is younger than me, but I can talk to him. We laugh and joke, even as he is pushing my body to the limit with extreme weights.

He is cute... love his smile... and his laugh...

Is it bad that I might have a crush on my trainer?

I can push myself when we work together... I feel like it's all good. When I am trying something I might struggle with, he is always there for me. He spots me, he guides, me, he helps me... even if he is pushing me beyond my comfort zone.

I have wanted to get toned for some time and wanted to lose weight... maybe this is my incentive. He has mentioned that I look like I have lost inches... my family hasn't even said anything.... maybe working out with him will help me keep on the right track to losing weight and getting trim.

*sigh*

My own little world

I am enjoying my new job. Things are great. Everyone is awesome. I am Working out at the gym, trying to step out of my comfort zone. I am training with a trainer from an NBA team. Let me tell you.... He knows how to kick my ass. But I appreciate it. He makes me work. I appreciate it.... He is totally sweet... And a real cutie! ;). I still work with wine and gourmet foods... And I am still going to school. I am tired, but I'm still moving!

 

new Outlook

Am walking a break, journaling my food, trying to walk at lunch.... And them hitting the gym.

Journaling and eating only food with labels is really helping. Makes me more aware.

I know I can do this, but I need to focus.

focus.... focus....

I have been Working out. Trying to better who I am. I am also putting myself into a place where I am Happy. I am paying attention to me and listening to my own mind. I need to focus on who and what I can be. I know what I would like to see when I look in the mirror. I know who is stuck inside, I just have to focus and put myself first.

 

home tonight

Almost every evening thus week, I have been at the gym.... Walking on the treadmill and lifting weights.
Tonight I decided to stay home.... Time to let my body rest... And recover.... I am vegging out...

another day...

I got to the gym tonight. I walked at break. I watched my food. I know what I need to do and how to do it. Problem is keeping on track. My son struggles, but he doesn't seem to comprehend. It hurts me to see him struggle, but many time NOT help himself.
I guess I need to take it to extremes.... Gotta do what I've gotta do... I'm a mom....

goals

I need to get my act together. I have to get myself to the gym, watch my food, and commit myself to it.
Between now and "then", there are events happening I need to work toward... My birthday, the holidays, the Christmas party at my new job, and the hopes of finding inner happiness.
I know if I put my mind to it, I can do it. I just have to stick with it.

ZUMBA

Ok. Took my first Zumba class yesterday. It wore me out! Today all the muscles around my ribcage hurt. I feel exhausted and burnt. I hate aching all over. Yes, I will take it again but I will know what to expect.

body image... or lack of it... and you're the cause

I have kept in touch with my first ex-boyfriend.

We were talking and I mentioned I had been at the gym.

He asked me "why" and then told me I "don't need to because he thinks I look good".

It doesn't click that part of the body image issue stems from him cheating on my with someone over twice my size.

No clue... And I'm not going to explain!

tired

Been so busy. Haven't been to the gym since Saturday, but I haven't been sitting still. Tomorrow I'm working an hour with the trainer. I'm my mind I feel I should go tonight, but I am burnt and it wouldn't be the best. I am going to hang out and get to bed early. I guess I need to let my body recoup before pushing myself. (I might be learning something... Believe it or not!)

New Week - Still Working out

Worked with the trainer last week and thought I was going to die!!

Survived... went to work out Saturday and Sunday... me and my boy.

Felt good. Slept good. Got the muscle kinks out.

Now working to focus on my food intake... and then I will check from there.

One step at a time... and in my case... baby steps... but I know I can do it...

just have to avoid being obsessed...

Another day...

Today... a new day...

I have figured that since my son and I started the new gym, I have been there more in the past two weeks than I was at the other one in the past 6 months. I have been there at least every other day since we started. This is good because I truly need to get back into working out.

There is a girl at the gym who is training for a fitness competition and she is really shaping up. It makes me envious and kinda jealous. I wish her all the best of luck - she has come a long way in just a few months... and competition is around the corner.

I worked with the trainer last night and that has totally inspired me. I ache and hurt today... I used muscles I forgot I had, or guess I never knew I owned. He helped me work my upper body, as my legs are good, but the rest of me needs help (well not that much, but still).

I have found that the feeling of the sore muscles and being able to feel them flex is kind of a rush. I want to tone them and build them. I want to work on them.

And then there are other reasons... summer is coming... I sooooo do not want to be fat and ugly. I don't want to go into summer feeling gross. Yes, I do wear a two-piece suit, but I find my flaws... even in my own eyes. Although I people watch and there are other people out there that should be more aware of what they wear in public... but that is another issue... or story... or whatever!

Anyway. Another big thing is that "Mr. J" is leaving for vacation. I am going to miss him, I will admit it, but there are days that I won't... Anyway, for a long time, he has told me he thought I was pretty and that I looked sexy. I loved how that made me feel. I always loved to dress up because I felt good about myself and felt pretty. He would compliment me, and I would receive other compliments also. But lately, I haven't felt that way. I haven't felt like dressing up. I feel like it wouldn't matter anyway.  His personality has changed and it's like he suddenly doesn't notice me at all. That's fine, I guess. I shouldn't hold my breath. Who knows what the issue is? Oh well. I guess that is something else going through my mind. He will be gone for over a week. If I commit myself to the gym and start working on myself, I wonder if I will notice a difference by the time he gets back? Would he notice? I wonder? I guess I would like to be able to show him what (and who) he is missing my acting like a schmuck!! By the time he gets around to noticing, I should (if all goes well) be ready to tell him... kiss this... but then again, that is a whole other story..........

And so the mind continues to turn...

I am thinking (yes, as dangerous as it might be) that I need to commit my mind and body to this. To get the motivation, to convince myself I can do it, to stick with it, to succeed, to feel good about myself, to love myself in my own skin again.

I used to feel comfortable in my own skin, but lately, it has been hard. There are days when that is the hardest thing to do.

I want to feel comfy again. I want to be able to smile when I look in the mirror. I want to be able to wear clothes I don't like myself in now. I want to be myself. It gets hard to get up and get dressed when you avoid looking in the mirror.

I think that, in combination, of the muscle pains, the summer coming, Mr. J's upcoming vacation, and the desire to move up in the world,  that is a good enough reason to kick myself in the ass and keep moving. Not to mention the money I spend on the gym membership.

 

Worked with PT last night

Last night I did it. I went to the gym. Really couldn't avoid it, especially since I had my appointment with a personal trainer. He is great to work with... not to mention that he puts up with my old self!!

Anyway, he worked me hard... I wanted to die... but it definitely felt good... after I got past the aches.

Okay, so I know I can do it... and he is gonna push my ass... right into the pool one of these times.

Anyway, I enjoyed it and found new exercises to do.

I just need to keep track of my food and watch what I am doing to avoid any type of possible "relapses".

I have my goals spelled out in front of me... and that is what I am going to do.

 

Tired, but gotta do it

As tired as I am after getting out of bed at 5am, working a full day, and finally getting home, I know that working out is good for me.

I am beat and exhausted.

I don't WANT to go... but there are a lot of things I don't want to do... if I didn't HAVE to.

Since we changed to a gym down the street, my son and I have been there 7 days of the last 13 days.

This is good.

I don't want to go tonight, but I work with the trainer tonight... I will sleep good tonight...