07 March 2008

I'm Losing Control and I Can't Recover...

Have you ever had a series of days, where things seemed to go from good, to bad, leveling off occasionally in between, to catch your breath, before it seems to keep going downhill?

This week has been bad for me. It was a rough start - stressed from day one. Things progressively seemed to get worse... which made me start to get sick... so now add stress, lack of sleep and feeling like shit together and the incline gets steeper.

I got a call from school and my child is getting worse with past due assignments and I can't seem to reason with him or deal with him. I am so confused.

Then, my boyfriend has been so busy with work, being sick, and traveling, that I haven't seem him for forever. Then my mind starts to crank and I wonder if he's ignoring me... does he have someone else... did I do something wrong... or am I just letting my mind play tricks on me? He has promised that he would tell me if something is said or done wrong and I believe him. He is busy... and for so many years, he has been alone, with no one to be accountable to, that me being in his life slips his mind. I know, in my heart that nothing is wrong, but my head is pounding and the world is spinning.

On my way home from work, I couldn't help but wonder how to make this pain stop. Drink until I pass out? Just give up and say goodbye? End it all to end the stress? Would anyone miss me? Would they even notice? Would they even care?

I can't seem to shake this overwhelmingly scary feeling going through me...

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