20 March 2008

Lost, Love, Destiny, and Sadness

My life was on a path, sad but straight, yet alone. I would live each day and do what needed to be done, nothing special, nothing unusual, just the norm.

One day, it seems that destiny intervened and found me. He was a special guy with a big heart. He could make me smile and laugh, we could hold hands and talk, we could cuddle and not say a word. I believe in destiny and the power it holds. I would not have gone looking for this and did not expect to ever feel this way.

I am in love and my heart loves him. We share so much and feel the same, but right now there seems to be potholes. I am sad and lonely - he is busy and works hard. For so many years, he has only lived his own life and has never had anyone to share with, no one to spend time with, no one who would be there for him.

I understand that because I went a long time the same way. Sometimes it's easier to shut everyone out, to avoid being hurt and having to worry about others. Especially if you've been hurt before. You let someone in, trust them, get close, and then they bail when they can't handle the world you live in. When they don't come first, they leave. They only look at themselves as being the victims, they don't see what is going on in the other's life - they are selfish and don't want to see that.

I want to tell him I care and love him. I am going to be there for him, waiting, with open arms. I the beginning, we discussed this and I chose to accept this - and I won't turn back, I don't want to turn back, I can't turn back - I care too much, which seems to be why I am so sad and lonely right now.

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