99 Questions... my "premade" bucket list

My life in 99 questions

I've seen this floating around. I personally snatched it from Ducky at BATCRAP CRAZY. I thought I'd join in the fun! The idea is that you go through this list of 99 things and mark off what you have done.

(Probably the closest I'll get to a "bucket list"... did anyone truly specify that they can't be premade?????)

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars (It doesn't matter that it wasn't all night does it?)

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland (Disneyworld count?)

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Take a sick day when you're not ill

24. Built a snow fort (at least gave it a shot)

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo's David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class (have a black belt to prove it!!  :)

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job (laid off/fired same effect) (laid off)

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone (as a matter of fact... I did it break dancing!!)

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the paper

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year's Eve

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (if a fish counts)

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone's life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Got a tattoo

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

Bu the looks of it... I have quite a ways to go...

I am still alive... yes...

It has been a long week (or so) and I just haven't had the thought process to write.

Sorry.

I have been busy with school and work.

I am also still venturing to find something new to do with my life and go in a different direction. The last post... I thought I had something, but... like the old saying goes "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is"... and it was, I am sorry to say. I didn't get the "warm fuzzies" and my intuition was pretty much right... I reported it as a scam.

Oh well, back to the starting point. (totally sucks though!)

fingers crossed... wish me luck

Applied for a new job. Need a change. Got a call back in under 24 hours.
Love my boss, but no respect. Have not had a "required" review in the last six years and 2% raise doesn't pay the bills.
Either step up to the plate or forget it.
More to follow, hoping for the best...
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
Love you guys!

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hooters

Ok. I officially have a beef. Everyone talks about how great the food is, but you cant tell me its not because of the girls

I was channel-surfing. "Miss Hooters International"? Please.... Yeah. Definitely the food. Uh huh.

Skimpy bikinis? What does that have to do with restaurant service? NOTHING!!!!!

Have you ever channel-surfed to find buff men in Speedos strutting across the stage?

I have nothing against sexy women, but when it is for food service, there is no common factor.

fathers day

Today is one of many mixed emotions.  It is fathers day. My dad has been gone 19 years and we turned off my brothers life support 3 years ago this week. My son hasn't had contact with his dad for over 8 years, so he is kinda frustrated. I found out this morning that a friend I met several years ago has his cancer back and he's losing the battle. Today has been a mental challenge but I need to keep moving.

I even had two friends wishing me a happy dads day since I'm doing both jobs....

Happy fathers day to all the fathers and full-time single moms out there.

in which I could be considered a bad mom...

My son, as you know, has a never ceasing appetite. He eats out of boredom... And because it is there. My mom buys junk and then gets mad when he eats it. My answer (very unwelcome) is "well then, DON'T buy it!"

It's now summer vacation and I know he doesn't like his weight. To be honest, his dad would be upset.

Anyway, I refuse to buy the junk when I go shopping. Either him and grandma will learn to live with it... Or not. I am NOT contributing. He is home and doesn't need a brown bag lunch, so no crap.

He got upset when I confronted him at the gym about his weight. He started to tear up. I explained that he could lose weight and wear smaller clothes come the school year if he  put his mind to it. I can't monitor him 24/7, but I can give him the tools. I know how he feels, but he has to want to. Grandma doesn't need the junk any more than he does, but she doesn't listen any better than he does!

As a mom with a conscience, and a recovering ED, I can't just sit by. I will not aid and will not enable. He just needs to open his eyes and use the tools.

IT IS WHAT IT IS: Size doesn't matter

IT IS WHAT IT IS: Size doesn't matter

ZUMBA

Ok. Took my first Zumba class yesterday. It wore me out! Today all the muscles around my ribcage hurt. I feel exhausted and burnt. I hate aching all over. Yes, I will take it again but I will know what to expect.

Pushing past insecurity... writing... and Insecurities

Pushing Past Insecurity... and Writing...

I received the regular email feed in my box and the post title caught my eye.

I love to write. I used to write all the time. My world (as I used to know it...when I had time) was written down in journals... of all shapes and sizes. I have notebooks filled with scribbles and doodles, tears and joys, hurt and love. All different writing styles, all different writing instruments, all different ink colors... all kind of dependent on my mood of the moment.

I used to write in my journal, that I kept tucked under my pillow on the bed. (By the way, I still do have one under there... along with a set of tarot cards wrapped in black silk material)... anyway...  I love to write. I write poetry, I journal, I now blog... When I did my poetry, I won awards and had them published. When I journaled, it was for me... my ups and downs, my frustration and happiness, yadda yadda yadda.

Many things I write are for my eyes only... but then here I am, in the cyber world, blogging... about a lot of stuff. I vent, I rant, I admit defeat, I open to insecurities, all to a world of people I really don't know.

My child does not know I have this blog. He does know I hang out with "mommy blogs" (where else would I come up with the totally health-conscious recipe of baking chocolate chip cookies on top of double-stuff oreos??? Check out 2 Little Birds!!!!) But he doesn't know I ACTUALLY blog! (probably a good thing... considering that there seem to be many mommies who are getting busted by their kids finding their "secret hiding spot" (i.e. blog)

Okay, anyway, back to the topic... I love to write and used to fill notebooks with all sorts of things... from my crushes, to my stress, to my eating disorder cycles, to whatever came to mind. It was my outlet, my release, my therapy... and I was pretty damn good at it... not to mention I would never run out of notebooks or writing instruments because I consider one of my "other homes" the office supply store down the street!

But then, one day, it was compromised and I could no longer trust people. What happened was that my (now ex) husband would go through my stuff, including my car, and be nosy, when I wasn't around or when I was sleeping. He did not seem to understand the meaning of "privacy" which lead of much of my distress. He confronted me about my journals and what was written in them... and then to make it worse, he photocopied them to keep readily handy. When I found out, I went psycho! OMG! I am not sure if, at that point, I was more in disbelief that he did it, betrayed that he would think about it, pissed that he went through my personal stuff, or wanting to bitch slap him for just all of the above!

At that point, it became VERY difficult to write... anything... I was upset, angry, distraught, frustrated, beside myself... you name it, I was there. I still, even after all these years, have difficulty putting words physically on to paper. I am afraid it will lead me to hurt and betrayal, yet again. Now, I still have a sense of anonymity but I can "talk" and "chat" with people who only know me for who I am and understand that not everyone is alone and that we all have some type of insecurities.

I would love to write again. I want to. But I can't bring myself to do it. My heart and my mind can't agree on actually doing it. Maybe someday... maybe not... who knows...

talking without anyone talking back... on purpose

Today is one with a tone of uncertainty and stress. It's been a long day and is not the way I had intended. Woke up early, didn't get to the gym, my boss wanted me to come in but I didn't (bed not on my "good list" right now so I was being "difficult". Grocery shopped, baked, took a nap, and then we went out for dinner. I ate, I felt miserable, I feel like hell, I decided to write because I need to vent. I am frustrated. I got an IM from a friend. I really don't want to talk. I want to talk... But not WITH someone! Ever have a day like that??

fish in a tree????

How many people have a fish that hangs out in a tree?

The attached photo shows my fish in a tree...

And YES... he IS alive...

"Do as I say... NOT as I do..." Yeah right!

Remember that saying "Do as I say and not as I do"? Well, that is getting pretty old... and still over-used.

I am constantly reminded that I must follow what he says, and not what he does. Too bad he taught me bad habits oh so many years ago! Anyway, right now, I am struggling with this "identity" thing. Today something came in and there was no information on it. We just went through this whole pile of BS about making sure that everyone is in the loop so we all know what is going on in case anyone is out. Well, two are out, nothing has been said, but one said "they do it that way all the time" and then said "well, check with this person, as she was talking with them". Okay, so where does that fit into the outline of keeping everyone in the loop?? Trust me, the minute I don't keep everyone informed, I get my hands slapped. WTF? This is truly a two way street... too bad I'm kicked to the curb and everyone else gets the passing lane!

"normal" is only in my mind

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What Doesn't Kill You...

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Friday's Writing Block

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