Yesterday was rough

But today is better.
Thanks for your patience.

Damned if you do....

Okay, tomorrow they post the top 15 in each age group. I have come to realize...

Damned if I do... damned if I don't...

I am not holding my breath. I doubt if I will qualify.... which means I will need to get my ass in gear and do better next time. If I do, then I have to keep it up.... no slacking.

Pretty much screwed either way! DAMN!!!!

mental meltdown

Competed in the challenge. Qualified locally. Did not qualify nationally. Need to amp it up. Feel like a failure. Need to work out, work harder, and lose more weight. I feel fat and disgusting.

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I'm tired... mentally and emotionally

I wish I could feel happy. Some days are better than others. I was okay this morning, but tonight I am struggling. I don't know why but I am not feeling up to anything tonight.

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body challenge results

Not sure if I've shared this with you. I decided to join our local gyms "body challenge". For 12 weeks, I watched my food and focused on exercise. In 12 weeks, I was down over 40 pounds. I was shocked, but real happy. I did qualify for my own age group as a local finalist.

People kept asking me how I did it. Nothing exciting and nothing miraculous... instead just plain hard work and watching what I was eating.

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down 60 lbs

Since November, I'm down 60 pounds. I feel good. I need to keep it going. I have hit a plateau. I'm stressed. I need to lose more...

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Thursday

Weather sucks
Woke with a headache
Feel like shit.
Really just wanna disappear today.

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My "new" phase and the struggles within

I have to admit that it's been 5 months since I started this "awakening" to become a better me... physically and mentally.

It's been tough. Physically, I have lost weight, I have cut down on the junk I'm eating, I have made valiant efforts to be at the gym regularly (including holidays).... Mentally, it's all a matter of mind over matter. I need to keep an eye on what I am doing and know what is right and wrong...

But I have to admit... I am struggling... every day I find myself battling my past demons. The demons of my ED, the demons of mind over matter, the demons of what I need to do. It hurts and it's a struggle.

I thought I had this licked, but not completely... obviously. I am enjoying this new part of me.

I just wanted to admit it.... I will post more later.

losing weight and food for thought...

I have lost considerable weight since November and its been mainly due to hard work.
People keep asking how I'm doing it. I bet I would get more feedback by saying "I had plastic surgery" then I get by saying "by watching what I eat and cutting out a lot of carbs".
People seem more curious when it costs money... Not when it requires hard work.
Food for thought......

steps of the journey

Well, I am still on the journey.
I have lost 40+ lbs since my "start" date of 11-16-12.
Nothing drastic, nothing dangerous, nothing expensive.
Cut down on most of the beads, etc. Which makes me not as hungry or bloated. I drink plenty of water... (I Think I'm starting to notice gills forming). I also watch.my calories (not obsessively) and sodium.
Simple eating habits help, along with 6 small meals/snacks.
I try to hit the gym several times a week, mixing it up.... Cardio, weights. And swimming.
If I can do it... Don't be afraid to try. You never know if you will succeed unless you try.