It's Been A While

I know I haven't written for a while... I am struggling to figure out who I am and what I am doing. I feel so lost and alone - I feel stranded with no where to go. I am not sure what is going on. I have been frustrated and angry, stressed and confused. Right now, I hate myself and hate everything about me. I just want to curl up. I am so unhappy and so confused, but why? I feel like everything I do is wrong, and no one really cares anymore. I am back to obsessing with my weight - I'm on the scale every day and I am unhappy. Several days this past week, I have refused to step on it because I knew, in the back of my mind, that the numbers were up... instead of going ballistic because I suddenly weighed too much, I opted to just ignore in and assume that my life is going down the tubes... I am in such a funk right now, I'm not sure how to get out. I am depressed about my weight, my looks, my body, I figure everything that goes wrong is my fault, I should be able to do everything without asking for help, and I should be the one who worry about everyone else first. Life sucks!