Thursday

Weather sucks
Woke with a headache
Feel like shit.
Really just wanna disappear today.

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My "new" phase and the struggles within

I have to admit that it's been 5 months since I started this "awakening" to become a better me... physically and mentally.

It's been tough. Physically, I have lost weight, I have cut down on the junk I'm eating, I have made valiant efforts to be at the gym regularly (including holidays).... Mentally, it's all a matter of mind over matter. I need to keep an eye on what I am doing and know what is right and wrong...

But I have to admit... I am struggling... every day I find myself battling my past demons. The demons of my ED, the demons of mind over matter, the demons of what I need to do. It hurts and it's a struggle.

I thought I had this licked, but not completely... obviously. I am enjoying this new part of me.

I just wanted to admit it.... I will post more later.

losing weight and food for thought...

I have lost considerable weight since November and its been mainly due to hard work.
People keep asking how I'm doing it. I bet I would get more feedback by saying "I had plastic surgery" then I get by saying "by watching what I eat and cutting out a lot of carbs".
People seem more curious when it costs money... Not when it requires hard work.
Food for thought......

steps of the journey

Well, I am still on the journey.
I have lost 40+ lbs since my "start" date of 11-16-12.
Nothing drastic, nothing dangerous, nothing expensive.
Cut down on most of the beads, etc. Which makes me not as hungry or bloated. I drink plenty of water... (I Think I'm starting to notice gills forming). I also watch.my calories (not obsessively) and sodium.
Simple eating habits help, along with 6 small meals/snacks.
I try to hit the gym several times a week, mixing it up.... Cardio, weights. And swimming.
If I can do it... Don't be afraid to try. You never know if you will succeed unless you try.

My weight loss journey

In August I started a new job, where we have a path to walk at break and lunch.

In November we did a monitoring to keep everyone (who wanted) accountable over the holidays... I totally rocked those 3 months!! Woo hoo.

In January, my gym started a body challenge for 3 months so I am going with that.

I am feeling awesome and my clothes are getting big. I am down over 30 pounds and am thrilled! I want to lose another 30 to reach my ideal weight... So I'm going to keep plugging along.

For once in a long time, I feel good. I still can't say that I like my body, but I am working on accepting it. I guess thats a one day at a time thing.

I am learning to grow and growing by learning.

Another day

Here I sit, at lunch. Walked during break and had my salad for lunch.

This week I am wrapping up week 2 of my college Econ course and am doing okay.

My new job is still awesome (there are a few glitches, but that's to be expected). Everything is good and the people are totally cool.

My son got his braces off... So now we pray he doesn't lose the retainers!

I got back into working out and eating right. My weight is down and I am happy, although I know it's not low enough for my mind. My struggle is the weight, working out, and being thin... All while consciously trying not to fall back into my eating disorders. That is my struggle.

Anyway.... Things continue to move forward and that is good. One day at a time is all I can ask for.

Hope everything is well with each of you, as I apologize for being away, but I think of you often. It's just hard with the new routine. Oh we'll, that'll get easier also I guess, over time.

but I DO eat..

I just eat differently than everyone else in my family.

I watch calories, fat, carbs, sodium, and protein. I know what I can/cannot have and I know what works for me.

I limit breafs and pasta but might have a few crackers.

I limit alcohol... And don't really miss it.

My candy is sugar free and I eat frozen yogurt.

I do eat, but because I don't eat the way my mom cooks, it isn't right... But that's why I have lost weight and she now has a fatty lump.

I am going to continue eating my way. I get my vitamins, I get my veggies, I get my protein... I just don't take in excess fat, calories, or sodium....

Honest, I do eat....

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Happy Sunday

I know my timing has been sporatic, but I am still here. I am reading more about cutting wheat out of my diet, learning how to eat healthy, and even considering doing a 5k run/walk (in my case it'll be more of a walk) but still...

My son goes to the gym with me and he prefers swimming. I enjoy it too, but I like lifting weights and doing cardio. I am kind of a toner at the gym.... I would rather turn on my ipod and enter my own world.

I guess if I do the 5k, it'll be on my own, but part of me knows its for the best, but another part if me wishes I had the support....

Anyway.... Sweet dreams my fellow peeps. Have a good evening.

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parking ...

Yes, We all like front row parking... And if a spot is there, will grab it.... But I am not one to sit and wait for some poor soul to pull out, nor do I stalk innocent people walking to their car to find their soon-to-be-open spot. I am one who, if someone is sitting there waiting for me to get to my car, I will put my stuff in and go back toward the store!!

Anyway, where this us going....
I went to the gym tonight after the "new years resolution rush"... And there were at least a dozen spots open, but there were one or two people who insisted on waiting for front row people to leave!

Hellooooooo...... We are at the gym... What part of "walk" and "exercise" are We misunderstanding here??? Or maybe they are the ones just there to look pretty.... Who knows...

Just park the car and walk!!!! It ain't gonna kill ya!!!!!!!

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Working out...

Nothing beats the rush a person gets when they push themselves and exercise.... Except when your trainer, even on off-days, tells you that you are going well and keep up the great work.
Wow... Definitely an incentive to keep Working hard.

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