19 August 2012

The Hardest Thing I Ever Did…

Be Enough Me Monday | Just.Be.Enough.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I had to do a very difficult thing.

After over six years at my job, and making many friends, I decided it was time to give my notice and move on to bigger and better things.

I grew so close to those in my world, my friends, my coworkers, my confidants, my support system. I felt so close to everyone and there were times when they were there to support me when my world seemed to drop down. I felt so close to them, but things had changed. I started feel more threatened, in my own mind, and left hung out to dry, that I felt it was time to do something because the miserableness I felt started to never let up. I even had to have my medicines regulated to add an additional depression med, to bring me out of days that seemed to truly take the lift out of me. It was hard getting to that point and difficult to function when feeling that way. I would spend hours at work and then be so beat by the time I got home that I could barely function, not to mention, I couldn't sleep because my mind wouldn't shut down. It was all adding up... in the negative. It has been a while and I had been looking for other options, but nothing would show up. I continued to live with my stress and anxiety, hoping that something would come along. I lived my life and continued to do what needed to be done. 

Finally, all things suddenly happened and my world changed in a matter of a week. From 0 to 60 in the blink of an eye. It moved so fast and I caught the ride. I took it on. Something new, something exciting. I gave my notice, stressed myself out, cried myself to sleep, worried, wondered, doubted myself, questioned my ability to handle change, and all the other anxiety-based actions.

This past week was my first week in my new routine. So many changes, so many differences. I made it through the week, it was great. Several people told me I seemed more happy and less stressed. I was smiling, I enjoyed going in, I didn't stress too much about the new stuff because they are training me.

The most difficult thing I had to do was make the decision to start a new chapter in my life, at age 42, as a single full-time mom, while going back to school to get my Bachelor's Degree.

I hate change.... hate it, hate it, hate it. Nope, can't make me... uh uh... no way...  but I did it. I sucked it up and did it... and lived!

And am finally happy!!!!!!

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