04 May 2012
I have come to the conclusion that I am obsessed with food and what I eat.
Although I don't always feel that way, like when I sit and have a couple glasses of wine, or a few small pieces of chocolate, but it's been getting pretty weird lately.
Yesterday, I was hungry for something for lunch, but not quite sure what. My brain started this conversation with myself about 10:30 or so... I take lunch at 11am. Anyway, I had to think about it because I knew we wouldn't be eating dinner until later because my son and I had doctor appointments right after work. By the time we would get home, it would be after 6:30 and then we would eat. Typically we eat at 4:30 or 5pm, depending on when I get home from work.
Okay, so I thought about it and thought about it... couldn't decide on lunch. Ended up at the local grocery store, where I bought a salad and a turkey sandwich.
Mind you, it's not like I work in the boonies... where there is no where to go for lunch... I have a variety of food around here, all within 10 minutes of my office - McDonald's, Subway, Cousins, Culvers, 3 chinese places, Buffalo Wild Wings, Taco Bell, Arby's, Sonic, Wendy's, Applebees, Panera, a vegetarian restaurant, 5 guys, and the list goes on and on and on... So it's not like there is nothing to eat... because that is NOT the problem here.
Today the same thing happened. Started around 10:30 or so. Yesterday I thought about splurging on a hamburger and fries, but since I wasn't sure what was for dinner, I passed. I then figured, maybe tonight (Friday). Tonight I work all day and then I have to go right to my second job. No real time to eat, so the burger would be good - filling... something in me.
I thought about it today... burger? chinese? fries with ketchup sounds good. yum. Well, maybe... I don't know... do I really want to eat that? I am sooooo confused....
I got in the car, if I turn one direction, it's chinese, burgers, sushi. The other direction is... EVERYTHING else.
Anyway, I could not, COULD NOT, for the life of me... bring myself to get a burger... once again, even with my evening work and busy-ness, I ended up with a salad and fruit. It is driving me nuts. I cannot justify the junk, the fat, the calories, any of it.
It's like I'm obsessed and I cannot get past it. My mind won't let me. I can't justify it in my mind...