06 January 2012

New paths

I have been thinking, the past few weeks, about if it is time to make a change in what I am doing. I don't feel like going to work. I get easily frustrated. I even took the time to update my resume and post it online a couple places. (there are only a few people with whom I have entrusted that information because I know I don't feel like explaining my life to the world).  I have graduated with a degree, and I going back for another two years. It's been a rush... or running in circles... whatever happens first. I feel an overwhelming frustration that is hard to express, especially since no one seems to understand my frustration. Because I have an issue with depression and anxiety... and obsessive compulsion, it it hard to "properly" express myself, especially without going off the deep end and breaking down into a dirty mess of tears and hyperventilation. I don't always know if I am just weird, overcritical, hypersensitive, and stressed, or if I am honestly not alone.


Lindsay said...

I've been there and know exactly how you feel. Hang in there! :)

Barbara Sullivan said...

Most definitely not alone!

And managing to graduate with a degree when anxiety is an issue is a MAJOR accomplishment, because the tendency to avoid is so compelling. I just want to applaud your achievement and encourage you to remember it, especially when the "dirty mess" threatens. A friend of mine, who deals with depression too, calls that part "when you have the shit goggles on." (Laughter is not entirely impossible, even with the goggles on.)

The thing about anxiety is that it's all about unreal stuff, stuff that hasn't happened yet; remembering the reality of what you actually HAVE accomplished is a good antidote that can at least slow anxiety's momentum and loosen its grip.

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