11 January 2012

The voices in my head

This week has been constant running. I have not had time to think and stop. Monday, I worked all day and then had a meeting that night. Tuesday, I worked all day and then had a dinner event.

I started taken my new medicine last Friday, so I have been working to get used to it. I haven't been hungry lately and I am not sure if it's the medicine. I guess that is a side effect... so I am not sure if it's truly the medicine or if it's a mind-thing. Either way, I haven't been eating. I am actually, not really hungry, and my body doesn't seem to be craving food, but the voices in my head tell me I should eat because it's something I do, but then the "other" voices tell me that if I'm not hungry, don't eat because not eating will help lose weight. I want to lose weight. I hate how I feel and how I look. I have been through this before. If I can get past the mental hunger, I will be fine. Just a couple days and I can feel better. I haven't eaten much today either. I have an aching head, but nothing I can't live with. I know that if I get over the initial bump in the road, I can cut my eating without going nuts.

I don't know if you understand what I am saying, and you might not, and I wouldn't expect you to, but I needed to write, to clear my head.

These are the types of "discussions" I find happening within me all the time. I have these "battles of good and evil" or should I say "evil and just-plain-bad" in my head almost constantly. I know the difference between right and wrong, but then there is the "well, it's not COMPLETELY wrong if..."

I hate these struggles and I wish I could overcome these, but some days are worse than others. Today, I can't concentrate. I ate two oranges (only against my own protest) and those didn't do anything. I drink enough water to float the Titanic. I have lettuce in the fridge, but that would be food. I should have a protein bar, to curb my headache, but, once again, that is food... with even more calories.

I am not sure what brought me to this edge this time, but it's full-force, pulling and pushing me strong... which direction though? Thanks for listening to me... now if only I could get the voices in my head to listen...


Susi said...

Sounds like you are having a rough day. The thing is that your body will go into starvation mode and stubbornly hang on to those pounds you want to lose. So, tell those voices to quit bitching and push you into the right direction. Really hope it will get better. Hang in there!!!!

Anonymous said...

(((Hugs))) no words just hugs

Tere said...

Thanks for the support.
Yes, it was a rough day and I know I can get past it. I just have to follow myself through.
I am hoping today will be better.
Thank you!!!!

Cure for Mondays said...

Trust me, there are people on the other side of the world who understand what's going on between your ears. Maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's not. Maybe you're having a bad day, maybe you're being poetic. These voices inside your head are quite interesting to listen to. Really. I have my own share of battles too :-)

I have a blog called Cure for Mondays where I write about my journeys in life: ones that physically take me out on the road, also spiritual, virtual, cosmic, and imagined travels where weather has no part to play. Hope you could drop by and follow back.


I'm your newest follower :-) I'm following you from Finding Friends Weekend Blog Hop.

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