06 December 2011

On a more serious note...

What is the difference between a victim and a survivor?

Have you ever thought about that?

When you think of domestic violence, does it only make you think of the physical side of it, or do you think about the mental, emotional, and verbal sides?

The reason this post came up this morning is because I was getting ready for work this morning and my mom asked me if I remember this woman I only met a few times... D. Yes, I remember her. She is the wife of a friend of ours. D was always a quiet, smiling woman, who loved her daughters and dotted over her new grandbabies. Her husband was the same - but there was another side to him.

I guess, when you are around these "type of people", you tend to be more keen on the senses. You can sense the darkness in them. You notice the control side of them. You can just tell that there is something more, but you never can tell for sure. It's kind of an instinct. You don't mention it and you don't ask about it, but you do feel it... it kinda makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

Anyway, I have known D's husband several years and used to run into him often - his wife was either working or home. He was always in the public eye. I always felt something strange about him - like it's his way or no way... kind of a sense of control. I never knew why, but you gotta go with your gut.

Anyway, this morning my mom told me that D and her husband were getting a divorce, after just building a brand new house and she had received a huge promotion at work.

I guess it came down to serious physical violence. He beat her so bad that he broke several bones and busted her jaw. She is finally filing for divorce.

The discussion I had with my mom this morning made my skin crawl with goosebumps and it's amazing how these things happen.

I guess that is how you can tell a victim from a survivor.  We are all victims, no matter what type of abuse. Some of us remain victims, out of love, loyalty, or even fear. Those of us who are survivors are the ones who stand up and make a difference. We try to get out, we get out, we make the life-altering change, and some of the survivors we hear about are still survivors, even though they die trying to escape.

Domestic violence, no matter what kind, or what the extreme, is unhealthy. It will never go away and it will never get better.

If you are a victim, get help... before it's too late.
If you're a survivor... tell your story. Help others.
Don't be afraid to get help, because that could be the difference between life and death.

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