Yesterday I struggled and I managed to eat very little. I knew that the scale was taunting me and I had to get the numbers back down. I drank a lot of water and an occasional piece of candy, but nothing with too much substanance. I listened to my stomach growl and my head was pounding, but having been through it all before, the first day is the worst and it can only get better. No one was home last night so I didn't have to worry about sitting down for a meal. (Whew!)
This morning I woke up and knew I had to eat, so made a fried egg - not spectacular - but it was food - on my way out the door to class. Class was a lot of training - I was tired... I drank plenty of water, but I survived on the small "breakfast" I ate (if that's what you want to call it).
My son and I came home and I took a nap - I was exhausted. I took him to a halloween party and then I went to dinner with my mom. I had a stomach ache and felt nausious, maybe because I hadn't eaten. I ate my salad and had a few bites of my meal, and brought the rest home. It was hard - I love mexican food, but I didn't want to eat it... I need to control my intake.
When I dropped my son off, I got to see more "perfect" people with "perfect" bodies looking "perfect" to all the guys. I get so frustrated. I hate my tummy from the baby. I can't get it to go away. I still want plastic surgery. I wish I could be pretty, thin, etc, etc, etc. I get so angry. I'm not sure who I'm mad at - I'm not sure who to blame - but if I can get my thinking on track, I can be the one in control. That's what I need - I need to be in control...
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