My own little world

I am enjoying my new job. Things are great. Everyone is awesome. I am Working out at the gym, trying to step out of my comfort zone. I am training with a trainer from an NBA team. Let me tell you.... He knows how to kick my ass. But I appreciate it. He makes me work. I appreciate it.... He is totally sweet... And a real cutie! ;). I still work with wine and gourmet foods... And I am still going to school. I am tired, but I'm still moving!

 

Little things...

Good morning... or afternoon, depending on where you are when you read this.

I am just stopping by to wish everyone a happy holiday season, which has suddenly happened upon us!

Just wanted to give you an insight as to how my world is going...

I have started logging my food, amping up my exercise and am down about 20#. Woo hoo!! Thrilled silly, but it is starting to catch up with me and my body is suddenly feeling really exhausted. I guess I really need to slow down and make sure I'm taking care of myself.

I have completed another course in school and am (hopefully) looking at only maybe 10 more months before I hit my degree!

My new job is awesome. I love it... the people are great... and I am glad I went through the strife of change... which I am totally against! From those I used to work with, I have found the job that so many wish they could be experiencing.

Other than that, we have snow for Christmas... it waited until late Wednesday night... and now we are good to go... and, in my eyes, it can go.... the day after Christmas! Bah Humbug!

My son is doing well in school... we are halfway through this year and no issue with bullying or other problems... this is good.

And the daily stuff keeps chugging.

Hope each of you are well and ready to celebrate the holidays.

Wishing everyone a safe and joyous holiday season, if I don't get back here before then.

Enjoy!!!!

My Fitness Pal

I found a great website/iPad app/smartphone app that is great if watching your weight, etc.

Www.myfitnesspal.com is awesome. I have had to restart using it three times (at least) but now I'm on a roll.

If you have a smartphone or iPad, you can scan barcodes and get nutritional values... Makes it so much easier than trying to input them... Or look them up!

You can document meals, foods, your own recipes, weight, measurements, plus there are discussion forums and individual blogs.

It's free... Give it a shot.

Thanksgiving Day... Another day

Wishing everyone a happy thanksgiving!

Got up this morning and was up 0.2#

Not happy, but guess I will live.

Got up and went to the gym. Worked out and it felt good. I am truly not sure who I am or what I feel, but it will all get clearer, I'm sure.

I will need to watch my intake tonight and not overdo it. Maybe a day of eating a little more won't kill me. In my mind, yes, but in reality, probably not!

new Outlook

Am walking a break, journaling my food, trying to walk at lunch.... And them hitting the gym.

Journaling and eating only food with labels is really helping. Makes me more aware.

I know I can do this, but I need to focus.

focus.... focus....

I have been Working out. Trying to better who I am. I am also putting myself into a place where I am Happy. I am paying attention to me and listening to my own mind. I need to focus on who and what I can be. I know what I would like to see when I look in the mirror. I know who is stuck inside, I just have to focus and put myself first.

 

My trainer.... *sigh"

Let me tell you a little about my trainer... he is cute... and young... and in shape.
He makes me smile, makes me laugh, and pushes me to my limits.
If I hated him so much, I wound't keep going back... and I wouldn't pay for his training.
He is so down to earth and when he is pushing my abilities, I don't question him... maybe give him funny looks, but I plow on.
I did notice though, that when he was stretching my muscles out last night, I was in my own world... no one around me but him...

Food and Life

I went to a meeting yesterday and learned how to look at food.
I don't need excess to curvive and I need to know what I'm eating.
My new thing, starting this morning, is if I don't know the calories, I don't eat it.
Need to keep that mentality and hold myself accountable.
So far today, so good.
I feel good, not stuffed or bloated...
this might actually work...

Why can't I????

If Khloe can be that way, why can't I?

If she can be 5'10" and weight 145lbs, why can't I?

I guess I need to look at the weight and the body structure... but I'm only 5'8" and I am no where near 145lbs.

My idea weight is 145-165... and right now, in this mood, I would KILL to be in that range.

I have been training and working out, and watching my food, but I feel like hell.

I am sad. I hate the holidays... and now I feel even fatter with the holidays coming.

food question..

For breakfast I had my egg sandwich on a white bagels, instead of wheat bread. I had hunger cravings so bad all day.

Is it because of the white bread versus the whole wheat? Does whole wheat cause those silly cravings? Or just the white?

Aarrgghh!!!!!!

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weight loss and being accountable

At work, we have a voluntary program to keep us, and our weight, accountable over the holidays. I know I need to focus and pay attention, so I signed up... What the hell? Why not? If I can do this and hold myself accountable, maybe I can make it thru the holidays. I already know what I need to do. If I do what I'm supposed to, my entrance fee is returned. I think I can... I think I can.... I have to... I have to.... I must.... I must....

home tonight

Almost every evening thus week, I have been at the gym.... Walking on the treadmill and lifting weights.
Tonight I decided to stay home.... Time to let my body rest... And recover.... I am vegging out...

another day...

I got to the gym tonight. I walked at break. I watched my food. I know what I need to do and how to do it. Problem is keeping on track. My son struggles, but he doesn't seem to comprehend. It hurts me to see him struggle, but many time NOT help himself.
I guess I need to take it to extremes.... Gotta do what I've gotta do... I'm a mom....

goals

I need to get my act together. I have to get myself to the gym, watch my food, and commit myself to it.
Between now and "then", there are events happening I need to work toward... My birthday, the holidays, the Christmas party at my new job, and the hopes of finding inner happiness.
I know if I put my mind to it, I can do it. I just have to stick with it.

Carbohydrates and cravings - Advice Please!!!

I know it's been a while since I have been here... it's been busy and I am beat, but I think about this space often and wish I had about 30 hours in a day... just to do everything I would like to do... especially writing...

Anyway, I have a conundrum! I am trying to watch what I an eating and doing the whole "sensa" thing, but I am struggling with something... carbs... CARBS!  They hate me... and they are not my friend.

I NEED GUIDANCE... FROM ANYONE WHO HAS RUN INTO THIS SITUATION...

I am a carb junkie... and I am working to cut them out... which is all good... but the lack of carbs make me tired. Is this correct? Or is it in my head? (I have been told it's mind over matter)... but anyway... I love oatmeal and bagels, but I find that if I eat these things in the morning, I crave all day long... I can eat constantly. Is my blood sugar spiking? What is happening?

I am having a meltdown with all these feelings... I had oatmeal this morning and am totally hating myself right now!

Please... anyone?

yadda yadda yadda wah wah...

I just got home from my early morning appointment. My son has been awake. I walked in and said I was going to lay down. My son then followed me into my room and talked for 15 minutes... About Call of Duty, our cats, OMG facts, etc etc... Okay, so now he's out of words... I am taking a nap...

carbs

Cutting down on carbs. Having trouble but keeping up with it.  Body going through withdrawl.... Tired and headaches, but my metabolism doesn't like carbs. I pay the price. Anyone have any ideas to pass on? I am a carb junkie... Help!!!!!

my "new life"

I started my new job last month, meaning I have a new schedule, a new routine, new situations, and the inability to catch up to myself.

I love the job, the people are great, but battling the high school drop off carpool line sucks... And stresses me out. Can't get used to sleeping in so the cats and I are up at the crack of dawn. Everyone else is up so they are in my space. And the list goes on. Maybe someday it will flow... But don't know when...

in which I am slacking

Since I started my new job three weeks ago, my blog has been neglected. I need to get settled in to a new routine. These last 3 weeks have been starting at 7am, but now we are back to 8am. Eventually I will catch the swing. The good news is that I LOVE the job. Now I just need to schedule homework, blogging, and exercise... And I should be back on track.

Feeling good

Today is the 4th day since I started using Sensa. I am getting used to remembering it. I feel I am doing pretty well, especially since I started on Sunday when we went out for breakfast and had company for dinner. Monday was a group lunch and then company dinner. Tuesday was another group lunch. And I still feel positive. I haven't changed what I eat, so we will see how it works.
After the bad day on the scale, I need to get back on track.
I will keep you updated.

Wordless Wednesday

Need I say more?

status

Ok, got on the scale this morning. Weight is down. Nothing changed. Had breakfast out Sunday, dinner with a friend. Monday had subs for a.lunch meeting and them buffet for dinner at our company's annual meeting. Got on the scale and found numbers down. This is good. Will keep you informed.

I hate the scale!!!!

I got on the scale this morning. Sucked! I hate the scale and everything it entails. I am starting Sensa today and figured I would weigh myself. Now I am freaking depressed! I knew I have felt like shit, but now I totally feel like it!

sensa

Has anyone tried sensa? I'm thinking about it but wondering about thoughts out there.

Six Words Saturday (yeah, a day late)

 

Sleeping in does not come easy!

The Hardest Thing I Ever Did…

It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I had to do a very difficult thing.

After over six years at my job, and making many friends, I decided it was time to give my notice and move on to bigger and better things.

I grew so close to those in my world, my friends, my coworkers, my confidants, my support system. I felt so close to everyone and there were times when they were there to support me when my world seemed to drop down. I felt so close to them, but things had changed. I started feel more threatened, in my own mind, and left hung out to dry, that I felt it was time to do something because the miserableness I felt started to never let up. I even had to have my medicines regulated to add an additional depression med, to bring me out of days that seemed to truly take the lift out of me. It was hard getting to that point and difficult to function when feeling that way. I would spend hours at work and then be so beat by the time I got home that I could barely function, not to mention, I couldn't sleep because my mind wouldn't shut down. It was all adding up... in the negative. It has been a while and I had been looking for other options, but nothing would show up. I continued to live with my stress and anxiety, hoping that something would come along. I lived my life and continued to do what needed to be done. 

Finally, all things suddenly happened and my world changed in a matter of a week. From 0 to 60 in the blink of an eye. It moved so fast and I caught the ride. I took it on. Something new, something exciting. I gave my notice, stressed myself out, cried myself to sleep, worried, wondered, doubted myself, questioned my ability to handle change, and all the other anxiety-based actions.

This past week was my first week in my new routine. So many changes, so many differences. I made it through the week, it was great. Several people told me I seemed more happy and less stressed. I was smiling, I enjoyed going in, I didn't stress too much about the new stuff because they are training me.

The most difficult thing I had to do was make the decision to start a new chapter in my life, at age 42, as a single full-time mom, while going back to school to get my Bachelor's Degree.

I hate change.... hate it, hate it, hate it. Nope, can't make me... uh uh... no way...  but I did it. I sucked it up and did it... and lived!

And am finally happy!!!!!!

new job

So, this week I started my new job.

It's totally opposite of what I had. They have the whole company take breaks and lunch together. It's strange, after Working a job where I worked thru lunch or went out alone. I didn't get formal breaks.

I enjoy it though, its nice to be able to relax three times a day.

My job is great, everyone is so nice, and I believe I have made the right decision.

been forever but always new

Friday was difficult as a closed the door on a large chapter of my life. Over 6 years of my life were spent with the same people, day in and day out. I argued less with all of them in over six years than I did with my ex-husband in five years. This explains while.leaving my job wad more difficult than serving divorce papers.... Anyway...

Today my new chapter started and it is starting well. I will keep you informed and thank you for your support.

ewwwwwwww....

 

I linked up...

Ok. Today is rough. It was a long weekend and then I overslept this morning, leading me to feel like hell. So, today is the first day of my last week of this job. I am excited, yet stressed. I feel like I have do much to do, but that's just me... 110% until the 25th hour. But the stress and anxiety of change... And a new school class.... And bills... And then emotionally feeling like a blimp.... This has not been a good day. I don't like it when my routine is screwed up before it starts! I am a mental and emotional mess. I'm going to miss "my boys" at work. They care and believe in me. I'm noticing a pattern... Those that will be doing the job don't do it the way I do. I ask after exhausting efforts, they ask to avoid having to work. I have heard, more than once, that things are gonna go south... But you can't tell those who are "always right" that they are wrong.  Oh well... Four days to go.... But I still feel fat!

butting heads

This morning has been a long one. My son and I have butted heads more than once already. It's gonna be a long day. I can't deal with this.

Control Freaks of the World Unite...

Twisted Domestic Goddess Posted and it caught my attention

Control freaks of the world unite. Just don't forget I'm in charge

Trust me, I understand the term "control freak"... I am obsessive, yes, but a freak... no... well... yea... maybe... kinda.... 

I guess you can say that I do have these type of tendencies. I have to have things planned. I am not a "spur of the moment" person. Unless it's planned and I know what is happening... IT AIN'T HAPPENING!

I know that I follow behind my family and pick up dirty laundry, put dirty dishes in the sink, wipe the crumbs off the counter and in to the sink, put the tie wraps on the bread loaf, and the list goes on.

I guess I could call it obsessive... but since it seems to completely interfere with those around me, and drive them insane, I am thinking it's a control thing.

I also need to make sure lights are off, and no one person needs three tv's on, in three rooms on the house, when no one is watching any of them.

Yeah well, I am a control freak, with obsessive tendencies...

and damn proud of it!!!!!

 

I must confess...

I MUST CONFESS...

I Confess... I don't like change. It puts me into a spin of anxiety.

I Confess... I get jealous or feel threatened easily... I am insecure (to put it nicely)

I Confess... I hate how I look - I hate my body and I curse my family for the genes I inherited.

I Confess... I have odd cravings and I know I shouldn't, but I do. Oh well.

I Confess... I don't NEED any more shoes or purses, but I have to HAVE them...

Five Question Friday 8/3/12

Welcome to Five Question Friday!!

You've come to the right place if you want a fun, easy post or if you've suddenly discovered your muses' gallbladders have them in a headlock and refuse to release them. 

Rules for 5QF: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for the linky post to appear Friday morning and LINK UP!

Oh, and remember (pay close attention...this is the important one)...HAVE FUN!

Questions for Friday, August 3rd: (Special thanks to Pam (@trooppetrie) from Troop Petrie, Brooke (@HallBro) from Brooke and Michael, Maranda, getting all political on us ;) (@MarandaLamping) from Maranda Lamping, Tina (@PeazyT) from I Have Autism, Not Cooties, and Mrs. K (@KSJD22) from Mrs. K and Captain J for these 5QF question suggestions! I would love to link you in a future 5QF, so come on over to my community or watch for my Thursday afternoon shout out for questions on Twitter and offer up your best question suggestions! Remember to @5crookedhalos me and use hashtag #5QF if you go the Twitter route!) 

1. What is a must in a hotel room? Water glasses and a book with local attractions, if I am out of town.

2. Which Olympic event would you be best at? I can swim... kinda...

3. What's your stance on the Chick-fil-A subject? I believe that political and religious beliefs are that of our own and not of the business we run. This should never have been an issue and I feel it has gone outside it's bounds. The only thing that is going to happen is that one more fast food chain will be on the hit-list for those protesting them.

4. One thing you said you'd never do as a parent, but totally have. Act like my own mom... and clean my son's room... to find the dirty clothes and missing water bottles!!

5. What's the weirdest thing you've ever found at a yard sale? I typically don't do yard sales, but my ex-husband has come home with a king size waterbed.

 

Follow Friday

Each week, Hilary at Feeling Beachie lists four statements with a blank for you to fill in on your own blogs. If you want to join the fun and come up with four fill in’s of your own, please email them to me at feelingbeachie@gmail.com. If I use them, I will add you as co-host to the hop! This week’s co-host is Jen from what would jen do (she came up with the last two statements

I would LOVE it if you could please help me spread the word about this hop…. So, please tweet, FaceBook share, and add the linky to your post…

 This week’s statements:

1. I have no desire _to deal with idiots_

2. I love the smell of _fresh rain_ because _it's kind of relaxing_

3. I wish that my _stress_ would magically_subside_

4. In one month I _will be in another place in my life_

Just over a week

I have just over a week left. My nerves are rattled and I am exhausted, but I am moving on...

Everyone has been good about it and all the people who have come up to me have given me their blessing, which makes it easier for me, to know I am doing the right thing. 

The time will fly and my heart will start to ache more as the days go on.

I have the blessing and best wishes of those who know what I am capable, and know who I am. I think that means the most.

I feel, in my heart, that everything does happen for a reason... and God has put me in this place for a reason. This is where I need to be... and where I need to go.

When you have a day when you can't help but question the situation, realize that God won't let you fall...

 

My life, my job, my world... one big dysfunctional relationship

The word DYSFUNCTION seems to say it all...

I live my life... my job is my life... I spend as much time at work as I do at home, with my family.

Have you ever reached a point in your life where your job is like a dysfunctional relationship?

You love it, you hate it.

You get mad, you forgive.

You walk away, but you return.

I am at the point where I am moving on. I have suffered with this love/hate relationship for longer than I lasted in my totally f'd marriage. The extremes are getting more and more and my patience and self-loving is getting less and less. I am going to drop the bomb and tell them goodbye, but it is hard. Each day, I look at what I do, what I have, and those I work with. They are like family... in a messed up sort of way.

Right now I am struggling, just like in any relationship. You grow familiar with quirks and funkiness, but you still get miffed at them and really want to tell them where exactly to go... and it isn't direct to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I love my guys and they put up with me. (In this "relationship", I put up with a lot more from them then they do from me.)

I think it's time to rethink this relationship. I think "I need some space".

it is finally official

I did it. My notice has been given. I just have to count down to the next step.

My manager was kind of a smartass about it and he said some insensitive things.

Piss me off. I think he's just made I'm leaving him. He hasn't trained the others, so I see a train wreck in his future.

Oh well, he's the boss... And he's in charge!

Trust? or Not to Trust? That is the question

I trusted you. I thought you were my friend. But you proved me wrong.

You made me so mad. I told you my secret and you couldn't keep your mouth shut.

I felt like we were close enough to confide in you, but I guess I was wrong.

I am angry and totally betrayed, yet relieved in a funny sort of way.

I am not sure who all you told, or even what you told them. I want to confront you, I want to know why, but I can't. No, actually, I WON'T. It is so not worth it. Why should I get upset? You saved me the trouble of telling people. But guess what, those that I want to tell, I will, personally. Those who don't need to know, I don't need to tell... and won't. Leave them wondering why I didn't say anything.

I have learned, that I cannot trust anyone... well not really anyone... but there are a few. Anyway. It is now knowing that those around me don't respect me enough to keep something so important to me, quiet, then I guess it's time to move on. Which is the next step in my life and my changed.

For those who know me...

I will forgive.. I will never forget though.

I am nice... but not that nice.

If this doesn't get better... we are gonna have issues...

Off yesterday afternoon.

Come in this morning and our email server is down.

No one in IT is up, awake, or in the office, so my tasks are, yet still, at a flipping stand still. Our server is not in this building (which I can definitely say) but... not even in this state, actually I can honestly say that I am not sure which of the other three states is actually IS in.

Either way, I have tried calling them all... and no one is in yet.

SUCKS!

This has been a long week. People on vacation. One in an accident and in the hospital. One person going back to school, one retiring.

Nothing like mass chaos and confusion.

I seriously wish I could have stayed in bed this morning.

it's a not so exciting day

Today I didn't babysit, she was sick.

I did business law homework, laundry, dishes, hardboiled eggs, and made tuna salad.

I took a nap and pulled articles from old magazines.

I have colored my hair and ate dinner.

My life is changing so I even worked on my resignation letter (more to come once its public).

Now I'm having a glass (or two) of Chianti and have watched: You've got Mail, First Wives club, Under the Tuscan Sun, and now Bottle Shock.

Guess its back to homework...

Gotta wonder... is this right... or am I just mistaken?

I am confused... help me here...

I work full-time. I have been back with this company over six years. I have not once been given an actual review... which is normally required for performance and raises... right?

Anyway, last week, I finally got my review... or should I say a Review"? Then again, maybe my first review? Okay, so... mind you, it's the middle of July... the year is 2012. My review covered January to December... the year 2011. Are we behind or what?

I am not sure about this, but since we have a new owner, we are all expected to have reviews. And then, the meeting started with "this review is for 2011... and you have come a long way since then... the statements in these areas are stock, based on the job... I did not write these... I give a rating of 1 to 5 and the system puts in the statements, so they do not accurately reflect what I want you to see..."  Okay, one more time here... is this wrong... or am I just really confused?

How do you honestly work this way... and keep staff morale up to a level where they don't want to tell you to go to hell?????

Taking a break

It's been a time since I have done any substantial postings. There has been so much going on.

The weather here has been unbearably hot... and I HATE hot weather. I would much rather have it sub-zero and wearings 40 layers of clothes. When I get warm and uncomfortable, I become... to be completely honest... a TOTAL BITCH!!! Heat and I do not see eye-to-eye and it is NOT my friend. I can only take so many clothes off and I still hate it.

I have been doing school work, so I am stressed. My son is on a trip, so I am lonely. I have a cat going through separation anxiety, so he has my sleep pattern is totally screwed up because he wants attention and then lays there and "cries" to me (at 2:30am, 3:30am, etc). The heat is taking it's toll on my mom, so I worry about her because she is stubborn and bullheaded (no idea where I get those traits from). I am still "in search of..." and that is still a slow and painful process... and I am getting frustrated there too. It's like everything thing. AARRGGHH!!!

I just haven't felt like me and don't feel like doing anything. So I am on a mental break... and a physical exhaustion. With the heat this past week, hitting the 90s and 100s, I have been to the gym twice and that was it... it is too damn hot to do that. The small pool in our backyard is even registering at 95-deg, so to hell with that being comfortable either.

Thank goodness it's Friday... I am ready to curl up and sleep the weekend away.

Hope everyone has had a good week. I will see you soon... with a better attitude... as soon as this heat breaks...

 

snack...

Peanut butter and sliced banana, sprinkled with granola.

Yum.... :)

my new recipe experiment

* Quinoa

* 3 egg whites

* Cubed chicken breast

* Spinach

* Grape tomatoes, sliced

* Fat free feta cheese

I beat 3 egg whites and put them in a pan. I then added the cubed chicken breast, scrambling the eggs as they cooked.

Once almost done, I moved all the egg into the middle of the pan and then placed the spinach and quinoa around the outside, heating it up and breaking down the spinach a little.

As the spinach started to cook down, I mixed everything together in the pan. I added the sliced tomatoes (I use the grape because they are small and not overly juicy). The tomatoes add some acid and then I mixed in the crumbled feta. The feta adds the "bite".

I don't cook too much longer, only to marry the flavors.

I put onto a plate and add a little more crumbled feta on top.

**MY FIRST COOKING "EXPERIMENT" WITH QUINOA... AND I THINK IT TURNED OUT PRETTY WELL... AND IT WAS FILLING**

99 Questions... my "premade" bucket list

My life in 99 questions

I've seen this floating around. I personally snatched it from Ducky at BATCRAP CRAZY. I thought I'd join in the fun! The idea is that you go through this list of 99 things and mark off what you have done.

(Probably the closest I'll get to a "bucket list"... did anyone truly specify that they can't be premade?????)

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars (It doesn't matter that it wasn't all night does it?)

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland (Disneyworld count?)

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Take a sick day when you're not ill

24. Built a snow fort (at least gave it a shot)

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo's David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class (have a black belt to prove it!!  :)

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job (laid off/fired same effect) (laid off)

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone (as a matter of fact... I did it break dancing!!)

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the paper

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year's Eve

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (if a fish counts)

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone's life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Got a tattoo

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

Bu the looks of it... I have quite a ways to go...

I am still alive... yes...

It has been a long week (or so) and I just haven't had the thought process to write.

Sorry.

I have been busy with school and work.

I am also still venturing to find something new to do with my life and go in a different direction. The last post... I thought I had something, but... like the old saying goes "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is"... and it was, I am sorry to say. I didn't get the "warm fuzzies" and my intuition was pretty much right... I reported it as a scam.

Oh well, back to the starting point. (totally sucks though!)

fingers crossed... wish me luck

Applied for a new job. Need a change. Got a call back in under 24 hours.
Love my boss, but no respect. Have not had a "required" review in the last six years and 2% raise doesn't pay the bills.
Either step up to the plate or forget it.
More to follow, hoping for the best...
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
Love you guys!

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hooters

Ok. I officially have a beef. Everyone talks about how great the food is, but you cant tell me its not because of the girls

I was channel-surfing. "Miss Hooters International"? Please.... Yeah. Definitely the food. Uh huh.

Skimpy bikinis? What does that have to do with restaurant service? NOTHING!!!!!

Have you ever channel-surfed to find buff men in Speedos strutting across the stage?

I have nothing against sexy women, but when it is for food service, there is no common factor.

fathers day

Today is one of many mixed emotions.  It is fathers day. My dad has been gone 19 years and we turned off my brothers life support 3 years ago this week. My son hasn't had contact with his dad for over 8 years, so he is kinda frustrated. I found out this morning that a friend I met several years ago has his cancer back and he's losing the battle. Today has been a mental challenge but I need to keep moving.

I even had two friends wishing me a happy dads day since I'm doing both jobs....

Happy fathers day to all the fathers and full-time single moms out there.

in which I could be considered a bad mom...

My son, as you know, has a never ceasing appetite. He eats out of boredom... And because it is there. My mom buys junk and then gets mad when he eats it. My answer (very unwelcome) is "well then, DON'T buy it!"

It's now summer vacation and I know he doesn't like his weight. To be honest, his dad would be upset.

Anyway, I refuse to buy the junk when I go shopping. Either him and grandma will learn to live with it... Or not. I am NOT contributing. He is home and doesn't need a brown bag lunch, so no crap.

He got upset when I confronted him at the gym about his weight. He started to tear up. I explained that he could lose weight and wear smaller clothes come the school year if he  put his mind to it. I can't monitor him 24/7, but I can give him the tools. I know how he feels, but he has to want to. Grandma doesn't need the junk any more than he does, but she doesn't listen any better than he does!

As a mom with a conscience, and a recovering ED, I can't just sit by. I will not aid and will not enable. He just needs to open his eyes and use the tools.

IT IS WHAT IT IS: Size doesn't matter

IT IS WHAT IT IS: Size doesn't matter

ZUMBA

Ok. Took my first Zumba class yesterday. It wore me out! Today all the muscles around my ribcage hurt. I feel exhausted and burnt. I hate aching all over. Yes, I will take it again but I will know what to expect.

Pushing past insecurity... writing... and Insecurities

Pushing Past Insecurity... and Writing...

I received the regular email feed in my box and the post title caught my eye.

I love to write. I used to write all the time. My world (as I used to know it...when I had time) was written down in journals... of all shapes and sizes. I have notebooks filled with scribbles and doodles, tears and joys, hurt and love. All different writing styles, all different writing instruments, all different ink colors... all kind of dependent on my mood of the moment.

I used to write in my journal, that I kept tucked under my pillow on the bed. (By the way, I still do have one under there... along with a set of tarot cards wrapped in black silk material)... anyway...  I love to write. I write poetry, I journal, I now blog... When I did my poetry, I won awards and had them published. When I journaled, it was for me... my ups and downs, my frustration and happiness, yadda yadda yadda.

Many things I write are for my eyes only... but then here I am, in the cyber world, blogging... about a lot of stuff. I vent, I rant, I admit defeat, I open to insecurities, all to a world of people I really don't know.

My child does not know I have this blog. He does know I hang out with "mommy blogs" (where else would I come up with the totally health-conscious recipe of baking chocolate chip cookies on top of double-stuff oreos??? Check out 2 Little Birds!!!!) But he doesn't know I ACTUALLY blog! (probably a good thing... considering that there seem to be many mommies who are getting busted by their kids finding their "secret hiding spot" (i.e. blog)

Okay, anyway, back to the topic... I love to write and used to fill notebooks with all sorts of things... from my crushes, to my stress, to my eating disorder cycles, to whatever came to mind. It was my outlet, my release, my therapy... and I was pretty damn good at it... not to mention I would never run out of notebooks or writing instruments because I consider one of my "other homes" the office supply store down the street!

But then, one day, it was compromised and I could no longer trust people. What happened was that my (now ex) husband would go through my stuff, including my car, and be nosy, when I wasn't around or when I was sleeping. He did not seem to understand the meaning of "privacy" which lead of much of my distress. He confronted me about my journals and what was written in them... and then to make it worse, he photocopied them to keep readily handy. When I found out, I went psycho! OMG! I am not sure if, at that point, I was more in disbelief that he did it, betrayed that he would think about it, pissed that he went through my personal stuff, or wanting to bitch slap him for just all of the above!

At that point, it became VERY difficult to write... anything... I was upset, angry, distraught, frustrated, beside myself... you name it, I was there. I still, even after all these years, have difficulty putting words physically on to paper. I am afraid it will lead me to hurt and betrayal, yet again. Now, I still have a sense of anonymity but I can "talk" and "chat" with people who only know me for who I am and understand that not everyone is alone and that we all have some type of insecurities.

I would love to write again. I want to. But I can't bring myself to do it. My heart and my mind can't agree on actually doing it. Maybe someday... maybe not... who knows...

talking without anyone talking back... on purpose

Today is one with a tone of uncertainty and stress. It's been a long day and is not the way I had intended. Woke up early, didn't get to the gym, my boss wanted me to come in but I didn't (bed not on my "good list" right now so I was being "difficult". Grocery shopped, baked, took a nap, and then we went out for dinner. I ate, I felt miserable, I feel like hell, I decided to write because I need to vent. I am frustrated. I got an IM from a friend. I really don't want to talk. I want to talk... But not WITH someone! Ever have a day like that??

fish in a tree????

How many people have a fish that hangs out in a tree?

The attached photo shows my fish in a tree...

And YES... he IS alive...

"Do as I say... NOT as I do..." Yeah right!

Remember that saying "Do as I say and not as I do"? Well, that is getting pretty old... and still over-used.

I am constantly reminded that I must follow what he says, and not what he does. Too bad he taught me bad habits oh so many years ago! Anyway, right now, I am struggling with this "identity" thing. Today something came in and there was no information on it. We just went through this whole pile of BS about making sure that everyone is in the loop so we all know what is going on in case anyone is out. Well, two are out, nothing has been said, but one said "they do it that way all the time" and then said "well, check with this person, as she was talking with them". Okay, so where does that fit into the outline of keeping everyone in the loop?? Trust me, the minute I don't keep everyone informed, I get my hands slapped. WTF? This is truly a two way street... too bad I'm kicked to the curb and everyone else gets the passing lane!

"normal" is only in my mind

Source: Pinterest

What Doesn't Kill You...

Source: Pinterest

Friday's Writing Block

Source: Pinterest

If I could be a Pretty, pretty Princess...

 
If you had to choose a Disney princess to live the rest of your life as...which princess would you choose and why?

Belle... of course.

She lives to look after others (her dad). She attracts oddities (Gaston), She prefers the sanctity of her life.

I feel like Belle in so many ways, too bad I can't be beautiful and find happiness.

I think Belle is pretty, smart, dresses beautifully, has a great personality, and is very true to herself.

 

Yeah well, so, I guess I will live... at least till tomorrow

Had to go to the orthopaedic doctor today. Been having trouble with my "good" ankle. Sharp pains that wake me up. On and off. Suddenly sharp and then numb.

The nice doctor told me I would live.

Narrowed it down after x-rays. One spur on my heel, one on the bottom of my foot. And a swollen Achilles tendon. Great. At least I don't have to give up working out... Or wearing my 3 & 4-inch heels.

And the extra time I spent sitting in the doctors office, I was able to get my readings done for school.

Tonight is another dose of allergy meds and early to bed. I have been fighting allergies since Friday...

If I wake up in the morning, I have to do a training workout tomorrow evening. At that point, I will physically die... Of exhaustion and pain... But the trainer is a cutie... Sometimes you have to make compromises!

Good night. Sweet dreams. Until tomorrow....

Tag... You're It!!!! DAMNIT!

I was tagged days ago by Magical Mystical MiMi, to participate in this meme called, 'Tag You're It." Oh what the hell, might as well give it a shot... I will probably be sorry though!

THE RULES:

#1 Rule - You must post these rules.

#2 Rule - You must post 11 things about yourself.

#3 Rule - You must a.) Answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post. And b.) Cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.

#4 Rule - You must choose 11 peo­ple to tag and link them on the post. Then, go to their page and tell them you have linked him/her.

***No tag backs to the bloggee that tagged you!***

11 THINGS ABOUT ME:

1 - I am obsessive-compulsive

2 - I do not have a bucket-list yet

3 - I am happy with my one child

4 - I am currently single... and not looking

5 - I love animals

6 - I can't sit still

7 - I can pass up chocolate by choice

8 - I keep myself too busy sometimes

9 - Myself is the last person I look out for

10 - I don't like how I look

11 - I am happy to get to the gym and work out

MY ANSWERS TO MMM'S QUESTIONS:

1 - First date - Who, where, when? I don't remember... that was eons ago!

2 - First kiss - Who, where, when? Hmmmm....

3 - First car - What make, model, year? 1977 Ford Maverick

4 - First boyfriend/girlfriend - How old were you? Their name? Mike, I was 22

5 - First job - Where, when and what did you do? Papergirl, 13 years old

6 - First road trip - Where, when and who did you take along? Up north, all my life, 7 hrs

7 - First funeral - Who, where and how old were you? Don't remember

8 - First concert - Who did you see, where and how old were you? Motley Crue, 16.

9 - Favorite sexual position? - HA! Just tossed a curve ball. Yeah... NOT! ;)

You don't have to answer, unless of course you want to!

10 - First thought this morning. Awww man... I really want ten more minutes.

11 - Last thought last night. Ahhhhh... *blank*

11 PEOPLE I AM TAGGING: (no particular order...)

1 - Susi @ Boca Frau

2 - Kim @ My Inner Chick

3 - Monica @ Life As I Know It

4 - VandyJ @ The Testosterone Three and Me

5 - Mamarazzi @ Dandelion Wishes

6 - Gia @ Mayor Gia

7 - Hilary @ Feeling Beachie

8 - Robbie K @ Fractured Family Tales

9 - Andrey N @ Break It, Make It or Bake It

10 - TLouise @ My Musings

11 - Destiny @ Rock' Mama

MY 11 QUESTIONS TO YOU: (just two items? Answer how you wish. Whatever spin you want to take on them...)

1 - Walmart or Target?

2 - Books or Magazines?

3- Shoes or Bare Feet?

4 - Short sleeves or long sleeves?

5 - Red meat or white meat?

6 - Wine or beer?

7 - Coffee or tea?

8 - Water or soda?

9 - Laptop or desktop?

10 - Indoors or outdoors?

11 -Junk food or healthy?

my newest creation... for me

During a few minutes of free time...this is my creation... And therapy.

memorial day - In Memory...

Memorial day honors our veterans, those who served, and those in the military.

I couldn't help but think about my brother who passed away a couple years ago. He was in the Marines and had a military burial. It's being in the front row of a military burial that put pictures in your mind that don't fade.

I remember the marines in their dress blues and white gloves. The crisp flag folding, the salutes... If brings tears to my eyes.

I believe in our military and what they do. Honor them when you get the chance.

lazy sucker today

Too warm, slept miserable, was at church early... Skipping today's workout. But its set for first thing tomorrow morning.

you know ur getting old..

When you have to put on your old lady reading glasses to polish your nails!!!! Ugh!!

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Too Much Time to Think

Source:   Pinterest

Source:  Pinterest

Reality - stress - work - stress